


6 Times the Ipliers had to Reschedule a Meeting

by Septictrash247



Series: Tales From The Alabaster Table [1]
Category: Septiplier - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: All characters are present, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Flirting, Cutesy, Dark is so done, Demonic screaming, Ego headcanons, Flirting, Gay, Gay Male Character, Happy Ending, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I make good on my promises, Irish cursing, Light BDSM tones, M/M, Multi, Nicknames, Quote: This is My Design (Hannibal), Sass, Shipping, Shipping trash, Slight Cannibalism, Thank you trash bins!, Voice Kink, Why can't we have nice things?, attention seeking, cursing, ipliers are dicks to each other, look this is gay, septics are sweet, so much love, there will be gore, this was very gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-05-16 04:38:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14804517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Septictrash247/pseuds/Septictrash247
Summary: Six times Dark tired to get a meeting underway, but the Septiceyes had different plans. And, with the egopocalypse eating at them, they're in desperate need of a distraction. Even if it means costing Dark his chance at being productive.





	1. Henry Is the First to Ruin Everything

**Author's Note:**

  * For [markipwiwer](https://archiveofourown.org/users/markipwiwer/gifts).



> Basically this a ship and headcanon dump. And inspired by markipwiwer’s ego fics.These paring may not make sense to you but trust me, they work. If you have any questions or requests, let me know! I love talking about these things!

It was supposed to be a simple meeting. A simple meeting of the Ipliers, after their last failure of leaving things unconcluded. However, After Dr. Iplier- or for all intents and purposes, he went by Eric to his closest friends- had gotten a rather panicked induced call by one, Hernrik von Schneeplestein, the whole room of the egos was on edge. After Henrik had abruptly hung up the phone, the doctor pondered what the reason could’ve been for this call. 

Dark, who was always at the head of these meetings, allowed Eric the freedom to think quietly to himself. He knew that the Septics were going through a lot at the moment, what with Jack’s Egopocalypse happening seemingly out of nowhere, things were pretty hectic. So, whichever Iplier Ego happened to be close with a Septiceye Ego, was allowed to have a few moments to try and help them the best they could. But Dark really needed to go over a few things with his own band of egos first. Mark had something big coming and planned and he wanted every side of him to be emotionally prepared for what was in store. He cleared his throat after enough time had passed, and that was when the door to their room was slammed open. Startling everyone in the room.

There stood Henrik; Hair a mess, coat disheveled, and glasses slightly askew. His turtleneck was littered with coffee stains, as the good doctor was notorious for his pretty bad caffeine addiction. Still, despite the concern radiating off his body, he still had the normal positive demeanor that all the Septics- besides two -shared. Dark, who was at the head of the table, and therefore the closest to him, stood from his chair slowly. “Doctor…” He greeted politely. “Is there something you needed?” Henrik seemed to scan the room with a piercing gaze behind his large glasses. “Nien- Vell, yes. But not from you Heir Dunkelheit.” Dark shuddered at his harsh accent and the way he addressed him. Something didn’t settle right when he titled him in that manor. Still, he let it be as Henrik continued to search the room and sat back down. His piercing gaze landed on Wilford, who smiled lightly. “Well, if it isn’t the mad doctor! Come to cut open another ‘willing’ test subject?” Wilford’s smile turned ferial. Henrik’s expression mirrored his as he replied, tone still calm.

“No, nothzing of ze sort. Good to zee you Vilford.. Tell me, how are those activities and medications working out for you?”

“Very well! Very well in fact. Thank you for asking Doctor!”

“Same to you friend! Maybe you should come by ze office zometime. Ve could catch up..”

“Sounds like a date!”

“An appointment, Danke sehr.”

“No need to be so formal with me, after all… I know quite a bit about you..”

To the others in the room, it seemed mostly like a flirtatious conversation between the two. Which seemed pretty likely, considering that Henrik was the biggest flirt, and Wilford had a very voracious sexual appetite. When in all actuality, for those who had context and could translate, the conversation went like this;

“How is your declining mental health?”

“ Very well in fact. Thank you for asking you absolute nazi!”

“Same to you basket case! I have a spare straight jacket vith your name on it, come by ze office zometime.”

“Sounds like a date! Murderer."

“Manslaughter is different.”

“Keep telling yourself that as you think about how you failed your egos the first time~.”

Henrik gritted his teeth and bit the inside of his cheek, turning away quickly. He didn’t want to get into it with Wilford again. That’s not why he showed up. As he went back to scanning the room again, his eyes light up as he found who he was looking for. Gaze, straight at Eric. “Good morning fellow doctor!” He beamed bright and cheerful as he always did while he more or less strode in. 

Eric rolled his eyes. He wasn't looking forward to this, especially since he thought he had just gotten out of another day of learning basic training with this nut. Well, actually, it wasn't that Henrik wasn't good company. In fact, he was probably the most honest and nicest person in his entire office. He never gave anyone bullshit; was always blunt, a little forward, but still, he had a good heart. He was also the most important ego, as he had the traits that Jack mostly exhibited on a daily basis. And that clearly justified that his actions never had any malicious to them, right? Except.. Jack was a little more modest and knew how to filter himself, whereas Henrik was… A little misguided? Perhaps a little stupid- but the guy knew how to perform the best of the best delicate operations. He really knew his way around a scalpel. 

No, Henrik wasn’t bad company, and his blunt honesty isn’t what Eric minded at all. What Eric minded the most, was the consistent flirting. Which, was also something that Jack and him unfortunately shared.

Henrik wandered over and without hesitation, snaked his arm around Eric’s waist from behind his chair. No regards for personal space. That definitely got the calmer ego blushing. This was the absolute worst. And what made it worst was the fact that Eric had stated over one hundred times, he wasn't gay. “Henrik-”

Henrik tsked and reproached him as he leaned forward a bit more to face his companion, waving an accusing finger. “Now now, Ve are friends. Are ve not?” Henry gave Eric no room to say anything as he interrupted him again. “Zhen vhat iz zhis nonsense? Calling me Henrik- I am Henry to you mien friend!” He smiled brightly, almost coquettishly if one was paying attention, as he slid a hand up on top of the patient male’s heart. Eric huffed in defeat. “Henry..” He said slowly, as he carefully removed the invasive hand. “I don't want to have to keep sounding rude, but- there was this old saying, I just remembered a while ago, it went like this. ‘Look within. Within the fountain of good, and it will never bubble up, if thou wilt ever dig’. Henry just stares at him for a long time, blinking slowly.

The other egos had to fight back their groans or awkward chuckles. No one really knew how to break it to the calm doctor that his jokes and metaphors weren’t funny and made no goddamn sense. 

Eric, who was proud of his own little joke, just smiled lightly. “You see, because you're not disturbing it… You're not in it's personal space, the fountain I mean.” Henry blinks again but slowly nods. He hated when Eric used his psychiatrist voice on him. “Henry..” Eric says slowly, voice rumbling to execute his point. This stirs Henry into looking at him with full attention. “You're in my personal space.” Henry, stares for the longest time, eyes not blinking and Eric is actually afraid he might've offended him in some manner. “Eric… That vas terrible.” He said, rather bluntly, which wasn’t surprising. Eric, though offended, couldn’t bring himself to get mad because Henry looked so discourage.. Like he felt betrayed that Eric would make such a terrible joke but still felt pity for him. Eric wasn’t sure how to feel about that and stammered on his next sentence. “H-Herny- if you please, we’re in the middle of something. What did you want that was so dire that you- Is someone dying?!” His eyes widened in panic at that and Henry couldn’t help but crack a smile at that. “Nien, nothzing of ze sort. I was just vondering… Vhat happens when you touch formaldehyde? Vell… Inject it I mean.” Eric’s concerned face only grew to one of absolute horror. “What.. The FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH FORMALDEHYDE?!” Now standing up and untangling himself from Henry’s grasp, Eric sized him up demanding an answer. Henry held up his hand in defense, his smile now nervous as he made himself small. “Nuthin’ N-nuthin’ major I promise ye!” Henry paused as his accent dropped a little, and cleared his throat dryly before swallowing hard. “Just.. Injecting it into ze patients..” Eric stared, slack jawed and Wilford coughed under his breath, “Quack Doctor.” Henry quipped a quick glare and replied with- “Sweeney Todd’s wet dream.” -before turning back to his distressed companion. “V-vell, embalming fluid has solvents in it and we vere losing zo much blood zhat I had zhen made ze decision to use ze solvents.. And uh.. It vould help stop it…” Eric continued to stare, utterly bewildered and Henry choked out his last few words with a light and nervous chuckle. 

That was when Google piped up, and- in his monotone voice -proceeded to give out the information to the question that Henry had asked earlier and didn’t get an answer to.

“Typically, embalming fluid contains a mixture of formaldehyde, glutaraldehyde, methanol, and other solvents. Formaldehyde fixes tissue by cross-linking the proteins, primarily the residues of the basic amino acid lysine. Its effects are reversible by excess water and it avoids formalin pigmentation.... Also the formaldehyde vapor can be used as a fixative for cell smears. However… When injected as per the Russia experiment.. The results of this investigation may be summarized as follows: 1. The inhalation of formaldehyde gas in even small quantities is followed by bronchitis and pneumonia. Pneumonia is due to the inhalation of the gas and not to secondary infection. 2. Formalin belongs to that rare group of poisons which are capable of producing death suddenly when swallowed-”

“Okay, Google, you can stop.” 

Eric slowly looked back over to Henry, utterly done with his nonsense. “I thought you would’ve known better than that.” He said simply. Henry shuddered under his gaze and bit his lip. An unconscious blush was rising to his cheeks, but not from shame.. Eric’s gaze flicked from his eyes to his lips for a brief moment. Henry caught it, and took everything in his power to keep himself from smirking. “Zhen by all means.. Correct me doctor..” He muttered softly. The once calm doctor now looked eerily similar to Dark as his face tightened to a more austere expression. Which was a stark contrast then what everyone was used to. The taller doctor gripped his companion by the shoulder. Henry's breath hitched in his throat and bit his lip harder. Eric knew why, underneath it all, Henry was a huge masochist.. That thought alone sent a shiver down his spin. “We’re going to need a minute.” He said, as he excused himself from the meeting room. Everyone was at a lost for words.

It was about thirty minutes later before Dr. Iplier returned, now with a hard blush upon his cheeks and tugged the collar of his jacket up to cover what looked like pretty deep hickies. It seemed like his was back to his normal passive self as he quietly took his sit and tried to stay unnoticed. Wilford, who was paying close attention to the details that mattered, only scoffed and rested his cheek on an enclosed fist. “So. Not gay huh?” And as he stated what he knew everyone was thinking, the others couldn’t help but to tease the now completely flushed doctor, who wanted to crawl into a hole and die at that moment. “‘Correct me, doctor’~?” Bing invaded his personal space by leaning against him.

“What kind of sites do you visit?” 

“Shut up! It’s not like that I- I just-”

“The doctor helplessly refuted as his thoughts and tone faltered. He himself not believing his own conviction. The debauched doctor bit his lip, now rubbing his, very naughty hickies-”

“Host! Stop narrating me! What I do in my personal life stays OUT of your stories, you hear me? As for the rest of you, it’s none of your business who I choose to sleep with- Wait no!- Fuck!”

“Jim I’m currently witnessing history, as the once proud Dr. Iplier has now made his statement clear. He has, finally come out of the closet. Back to you Jim.”

“Fuck you guys!”

Dark, who was the only one who wasn’t jeering the poor red faced doctor, just leaned back in his chair and sighed softly. He was hoping to get some actually progress done today. But it seemed that fait had a different plan. “Meeting adjourned.” He mumbled as he knew he was already being tuned out.


	2. Chase initiates: Emotional Support Mode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All you need to know is Chase is a syfy nerd, depressed, and not happy. Google is a poor confused android who doesn't understand emotions. And Dark can't catch a break.

Dark had asked Eric prior before the meeting if Henry had any problems that he needed to sort out, or if Eric would be distracted by anything. He really needed the attention of absolutely everyone, so it was highly imperative that there were no more unscheduled interruptions. The mild mannered doctor had assured him that there wasn't anything Henry could want or need but he’d keep him posted if anything happened otherwise. Satisfied, Dark nodded and left the doctor to his own devices.

So now, here they were once again. Everyone present and accounted for. Even the lesser egos; Silver Shepherd, Yandere, and Ed Edgar were able to make it. Dark stood from his seat at the head of the table opposite from Wilford, and straightened his tie and jacket with sharp tugs. 

“Thank you sincerely, everyone for showing up once more out of short notice. Hopefully, there won't be anymore… Unfortunate distractions..”

His cold gaze locked on Eric who ducked his head slightly, heat rising to his face as he subconsciously fiddled with the collar of his coat. Dark nodded to himself slightly and looked around for a moment before he cleared his throat. 

“Same rules as before; Leave any petty, arguments, outside this room. Put aside your, disdain for one another- for the sake of progress. Do not, under any circumstances, purposely antagonize one another. And most importantly, should anyone try to start an uprise by themselves, keep it discreet. And know that you're only hurting yourselves.” 

He knew that the moment he said the word ‘rules’, everyone had stopped listening. The rules were mostly put there to keep himself in check. Hardly anyone ever followed these rules anyway, but still.. It gave him a sense of self control to have established rules put into place. Once everyone gave a half-hearted nod, he went to proceed with his bombastic speech. But, as he was about to start, the door was pushed open quite suddenly.

 

Instead of expecting Henry like Dark was predicting, this time, it was Chase Brody. The fan-favorite ego. This was quite surprising since Chase was always up to his neck in work, he barely had time to make an outside appearance. And that was only for errands. Dark cocked an eyebrow as he took in the ego, his attire and demeanor was less uplifting than normal this time around. Usually, even in the worst of times, Chase would still wear a tired smile, right now he must’ve been very stressed. Hair was tossed every which way; barely managed and tamable by his hat, black hoodie and grey sweatpants were stained, as if he had worn them for about two days, eyes were dull with heavy and deep circles, clearly he hadn't slept well for sometime, even his shave job wasn’t clean or consistent. The thought that he didn’t even have time for personal hygiene, made Dark wince. 

 

“Chase! Wassup my dude?” Bing brightened up at the appearance of his friend and old work partner. Chase looked over to him and gave him a half-hearted wave, and barely managed a smile before glancing around the room quickly. “Is Mark here?” He asked after he checked and counted each ego in the room twice. Dark cleared his throat again, coughing into a glove covered hand. “No, Mark doesn't ever attend these gatherings. Why?” 

Little did he know, the other search engine unit stiffened and furrowed his brow. You see, ever since Bing had failed at being an efficient worker, Chase practically had begged- or more or less manipulated -the other unit into helping him when he was overwhelmed with managing his; finances, work scheduling, emailing his business managers, and editing. Google, at first of course, hated having to do work. But Chase always managed to hit him with that same. Damn. Quote. Over and over, “Well if you aren't smart enough…” to which Google, would grumble and do the work of ten people out of spite just prove him wrong. However, even though this was an obvious ploy by the cunning ego, he still took the time to show his appreciation for Google and still did more than half the work so Google wouldn’t be burdened. Which, no one who had owned an A.I before had done. Now, Google had grown fond of the little syfy nerd and Chase never treated Google like a machine. That was something the android was thankful for. However, it made Chase very blind to obvious emotional handicaps that the A.I had. Regardless, they had managed to grow quite close. They were in, what Chase liked to call “A domestic Partnership”. So why? Why on Earth would he need Mark when he had him?

“Yes Chase. Why would you need Mark?” Google inquired. His head tilting to the side ever so slightly. Chase shot him a glare. Obviously, Google knew he had done something wrong. But he couldn't place what. Chase spoke out bitterly, which only solidified Google’s theory. Yes, Chase was angry with him. “Because if SOMEONE would rather abandon me, I might as well ask te person who I know is te most responsible.” Chase crossed his arms. His implication as to who he was talking about was obvious, but still- he didn’t want to make a scene. The other Ipliers- the ones with common courtesy, so only five of them really -turned their heads or preoccupied themselves on their phones.

Google furrowed his brow. Abandon? The definition of abandonment was to cease support or look after (someone); desert. He hadn't done such a thing. “I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about, Chase.” Chase scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Don’t quote ‘2001: Odyssey’ te sound cute.” He turned on his heel after mumbling an apology to Dark for interrupting him, and started to walk out the door. This wasn't right. There was clearly a problem and Google had the solution for it. However, getting to that solution in social life- he had discovered this the hard way -was not as simple. Especially when it came to Chase. 

 

Chase was the part of Jack that needed to do the heavy and tedious adult things in life, he worked constantly, brain always buzzing, he was also the side of him that couldn’t refuse favors. So Chase was always struggling to breath in the sea of debt he had made himself. He was also arguably the smartest out of all the egos, the reason Jack was such an audio wizard. But, there was a flaw with Chase that he had. He didn’t have Jack’s ability to say no; his stable support group, the luxury of having time off, and Chase couldn’t do anything for himself except to drink all his problems away. Chase was always struggling to get by, and battling against depression when Jack didn’t have to anymore. At least, not alone. He couldn’t seem to dig himself out of the rut he had made for himself. That’s why having Google around was literally a life saver.

 

Without any hesitation Google removed himself quickly from his spot and practically sprinted to catch up with the smaller male before he had disappeared from his field of vision. He gripped him gently by the shoulder and lowered his pitch to try and sound more endearing than he normally did. “Trick shot..” he tried to stress, hoping that the nickname would somehow atone for his discrepancies that he still was not aware of. Chase glanced over his shoulder at him, his glare softened but still held himself firm. Google waited for what felt like a good thirty minutes, but his internal clock told him it was only about 00:00:00:39.2137 seconds. He decided to continue, vocalizing his confusion. “What have I done that has you acting in such a way?” He said gently, his knuckles coming up to brush his bangs out of his face, but the stressed male pulled himself away before he could. Google recalculated. Wasn't it a common gesticulation to display a sign of affection when a partner was distressed? Had he been mistaken? Google furrowed his burrow once more, ever so slightly. “As if you don’ know.” The slimmer male practically spat. Google, this time, forrowned openly, and squared his shoulders. Perhaps a stern approach was the correct approach. “No. I don't. Now will you stop pouting like a child and talk to me like an adult?” Instead of what he expected, Chase openly laughed hard.

“This comin’ from te guy who throws a tantrum when I politely ask him to do te chores?”

Google bit his lip. He had him there. A different approach? Before he could ponder what to try next, Chase huffed out a bitter chuckle from his previous laugh.

“Ye really wanna know? I fookin’ ASKED ye te help me! Two days ago! Do ye know how much shite I had te sort through?! N’ what did ye do? Nuthin’! Expect complain that I was bein’ too short with ye!”

Chase puffed up his chest to try and make himself more intimidating to the android. But the android didn't take the hostile stance as an indicator to be afraid or timid. Instead he was just even more confused. “Wait, two days ago? But when I inquired you about your well being you said you were adequate.” Chase’s face grew a shade brighter and balled his fists. Clearly that wasn't what he wanted to hear.

“ I ain't te type fer layin’ boots Markus! Yer always actin’ te maggot when m’ obviously fookin’ lackered! I ‘ad a pretty sore date wit te stoopid divorce papers, so o’ course I don’ wanna have ye wit me fer that but now it’s been doin’ a number on me! Ye coulda ASKED er NOTICED me needs! N’ ‘ere I am, jammers as ye be stood ‘ere taken te piss outta eve’ythin’ I ask of ye like it’s biscuits te bear! Ye awful feckin’ gobshite!”

Chase… Was the most Irish of all the egos you see. Especially when he was flustered or anxious. Google basically took his words and translated them to;

‘You always act up when you know I'm tired, I had to sign more divorce papers, you could’ve been more thorough when asking me if I was okay, I'm tired, your lazy, you don't take what I say seriously, and fuck you, you fucking cunt.’

And the fact that he used the name he gave him- ‘Markus’ -was the tipping point of him being not mad, not upset, but furious with him. And yet Google still wasn't understanding. If he was obviously distressed and in need of a break from work, why didn't he say so? First he needed to calm the- now that he had scanned his brain patterns -slightly drunk male. “Chase..” he began slowly, “I think you need to lower your blood pressure.. You're acting hysterical.”

“I ain't feckin’ HYSTERICAL!”

“I don't know what you want me to do, I can't help you if you don't tell me.”

“Ye want me te tell ye what I want ye te do?”

“Yes, very much.”

“I want ye te learn te feckin’ read my emotions, n’ not through a goddamn textbook YOU ROBOT!” 

Chase finally yelled out with conviction, a little too much conviction. His voice cracked and squeaked but there was no denying that he meant what he said. Google shut his mouth and blinked slowly, trying to process all of this information, all of these… Feelings. He took a good long look at Chase's vitals. He was perfectly healthy, but his hormones, his endorphins, his emotions. He had failed to care for them. He had neglected his partner’s feelings and cries for help. But Chase had audibly confirmed that he didn't require assistance, or stated that he needed him. What was he supposed to be registering? He wasn't obligated to worry about Chase's safety, or to take care of him. So then why was his chest so heavy? Why did he feel the need to voluntarily care for him and to pick up on his body language? Was that it? Was that what humans do? Say one thing and then say another? Why? What was Chase feeling than when he told him he was okay? Google was afraid he'd blow a fuse soon. This didn't make any sense to him at all. For once he didn't have an answer. So he decided to try something new, and proceeded to state how he was.. Feeling.

“You….. Your emotions.. They confuse me Chase.. I can't.. I cannot experience empathy, I've never.. Experience a close bond with anyone so of course I don't know social cues. I'm designed to answer questions, not to function like a human. So.. Please, be patient with me. I'm sorry if I had been inadequate but you don't have to attack me like this. You are correct, I am an android first and nothing is going to change that.. I need help at times too, however rare that is.”

Chase's expression flipped and changed in the manor of about five seconds. And it was fascinating to Google. He went from; frustrated, to realization, to shock, then anger, than sadness, and settled on regret. He ran a hand through his bangs as he slipped his hat off, slapping it against his thigh as he sighed in aggravation. “M’ sorry..” he said softly. “Markus.. I.. I’ve jus’.. I didn’ mean te.. I ferget..” Google blinked and laxed his shoulders, his expression less tense. “I forget too… I forget that you hate to bother anyone. I forget that you're not accustomed to being blunt.” Chase blushed softly and looked down belittling himself. Google couldn't have that. So, he caressed his face with gentle hands and did what he wanted to do early, and stroke his hair out of his eyes. “Look at me Chase..” Chase begrudgingly looked up, his eyes began to tear up, his face red hot with shame. “Mavourneen..” His voice cracked as he tried hard to keep his sobs in. The nickname he spoke.. It translated to ‘Darling one’.. Google smiled as soft as he could and wiped the tears away with the pad of his thumb. “I'm here..” He leaned in and kissed him softly, Chase flinched slightly but his eyes fluttered shut and he melted against his androids chest. Wrapping his arms around his neck he kissed back just as softly, no tongue, no aggression or lust, just soft affection. When the smaller ego pulled back for air, he dived in for more kisses and spoke in between them. 

“M’ sorry.. Didn’ mean it… So stressed with everythin’... Managin’.. mmph… Two channels.. mm~ at once.. Sucks..” 

Google only chuckled and slid his hands to the pale males curvy waist and held his hips. “It's alright.. To err is human.” He felt his partner chuckle against his lips. “Yer more human than ye think, if that's te case..” he mumbled. Google said nothing as as he enjoyed the soft and needy kisses of his partner cover his cheeks and lips. Chase seemed to be getting better, perhaps some affection was all he needed. A very, very naughty thought crossed Google’s unsafe searched mind and grinned, pulling his hips forward more firmly. Chase gasped lightly and his eyes flicked down between their pelvises and back up to his android's face. “Markus…?” He more or less warned as he raises an eyebrow, not really sure if this was going where he thought it was. Google’s grin only confirmed his suspicions. The android leaned in to his ear and hummed softly, “I know how to serve your needs..” Chase shuddered. “O-oh yeah? How?” He could feel those lips form a smirk against his neck before the owner of those lips pressed a soft but firm kiss to his neck. “You need to take in some sweet.. Vibrations~.” Chase’s face was now burning brightly as he openly squeaked covering his mouth. “M-Markus don’ mess with me dude! That ain’t funny!” The reply was only another deep chuckle, and then a soft blow of breath hit his ear, making the poor Irish ego jump. 

“What the hell does that mean?”

Another voice sounding like Bing’s faded into their consciousness. That was when they remembered, they were still in the doorway of the meeting room. Chase groaned mortified and buried his face inside his android’s chest, while Google glared hard at Bing. “Shut up.” Was his reply before he turned to Dark, who had now been staring hard at the table, biting the inside of his cheeks. “We're going to have to leave.” He stated calmly. Dark exhaled through his nostrils. “Just go.” And Google happily obliged.

All was silent for a while until Ed spoke up. “So, they hitched er just… Rebounds Fuck Friends?” Dark let out a sharp sigh before he answered sharply. “Shut the fuck up Ed. Everyone, just go home..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just google search chase's slang, also, it is now canon to me that Google's dick also acts like a vibrator. That's what the "sweet vibrations" line is about.


	3. Jamie Got Lost, and Marvin Followed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In order to make up for how later I am, have two egos for the price of one! Jamie's a sweetheart and Marvin doesn't give a fuck how loud he is. This is probably where the Bim and Marvin ship will confuse you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad that the CyberChase ship was received so well! Also that that ship is catching on because of a stupid joke I made. Regardless, I hope you'll excuse me for taking so long!

To everyone's surprise, the next meeting that took place went very well. It went so well in fact that now it was actually already halfway over. Some real progress was being made as most of the Ipliers, the ones with actual jobs, talked about the stressors of work and their financial situations. Of course Wilford was doing more than just fine, Host was always number one on the top best sellers list, Dr. Iplier was of course earning his wages, and then it got to the Jims…

How the Jim’s got their jobs was actually pretty simple. After Wilford took a step back from his reporting career, he basically put in a good word for the Jim's to take up the position while he focused on his; talk show, his spot as a T.V executive producer, and not to mention the occasional evasion of the courtroom summons and police investigations. The Jim's seemed to be having an easier time and everything was going just fine. That was, until they started reporting inside from local haunting sites.

“I can't take this anymore! I don't want this stupid job! Do you know how many abandoned hospitals or prison cells I can take? None! I just wanna go home..”

Jim II whined. Now you see, there were three Jim's. Jim I, the producer, who remained behind the scenes and edited whatever footage they had and usually was the one who said “And now the weather.” He was on the calmer side of things when it came to acting, a true natural. He was also a very straightforward and easygoing person. He, along with Wilford, were trying to calm Jim II down. “Jim please, just take a deep breath and try to think rationally.” He said calmly as he tried to pat his brother's shoulder. “You're the absolute best there is when it comes to this sorta thing! You have a lovely face for camera. Especially when you're terrified. Great work!” Wilford, more or less, tried to assure him. Jim II was pretty much close to crying at this point and snapped at them.

“We have the same fucking face! No- I'm done, no more basements, no more ESPs, no more demons!”

Jim II, was basically the most immature and whinny out of all of them. Always complaining about something or other. One could even argue that he was the youngest ego, mentally speaking. But there was no denying it, he definitely had a right to complain this time. It couldn't have been easy trying to keep a straight face when you hear about some of the messed up histories of these haunted places, and then be forced to go into them at night with no way out until morning. “Jim, there are no such things as demons.” Jim I stated more firmly. Jim III on the other hand, just pointed over to Dark. “What about him?” He mumbled. 

Ah yes, Jim III. The more lethargic, and fatigued ego. You could definitely always catch him when Mark was recovering from a cold or being overworked. Jim III also had insomnia so in the mornings he always wasn’t hundred percent. He, was the camera man. The one that always; accompanied Jim II on his unwanted adventures, held the camera, and tried to put up with Jim II’s bullshit. He yawned and felt like his quota for contributing for the day was met. 

Dark glared as a response to the comment made. He scrunched his eyes closed before he replied calmly, “I'm not a demon.” Jim III already wasn't listening and rested his head in his arms upon the table. Jim I fiddled with his glasses that hung upon a clip that was attached to a chained necklace. 

“Regardless, Jim you know those are just tourist sites-”

“One was real! Not to mention that there are some homeless people living in the basements of those places and they scared the ever loving fuck outta me! One even ran at me..”

“Homeless… People?”

“Oh wait, we did meet Robbie in one those places.”

Jim III perked up to reply, a light blush covering his cheeks. That had been an interesting experience, getting to meet the timid and purple alter ego. They had ran across Robbie when they were checking out some Halloween haunted houses. At first they thought he had worked there and was just in makeup, until they saw him eating raw chicken. Of course, Jim II was scared shitless at first, but all in all, that day had been a success. By now, Jim II was red faced and ready to burst at the seams. No one really knew what to do to cheer him up. “You guys never listen to me!” Wilford only rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Yeah, that's because you usually don't have anything interesting to say.” Dark smacked him upside the head. “Wil that's enough.” Wilford only shot him a glare as he rub the back of his head and sat down in a huff. 

Dark then placed a hand on Jim II’s shoulder, already he could taste the anxiety and restlessness inside his very soul. He could taste the fear. It curled around in his stomach and chest, and as much as he hated himself for wanting to admit this, but the feeling of someone else's distress almost made him purr. But- with a deep exhale -he forced those thoughts out of him and spoke calmly. 

“I can understand your frustration, but I'm afraid there isn't anything we can really compensate you with. You already have a job and you need to stick to it. However, I suppose a regular psychologist would be in our best interest…”

Eric straightened up as Dark’s eyes started to trail over his way, Dark then shook his head in dismissal. “No not you Doctor. He needs someone who's not one of us. We're too similar.” Bim scoffed and placed a hand on his hip. “Speak for yourself. And funny you should talk when you don’t even have a job Dark.” Dark only rolled his eyes and turned back to Jim II. “This isn’t about me or you Bim. You self-centered little… Anyways, Jim would that be an acceptable condition?” Said ego was about to protest the idea when a soft but firm knock erupted the chatter of the room. Everyone looked around at one another expecting the other to stand up and get it. Dark raised a fine eyebrow at Google who only shook his head. Eric repeated the action. “Um.. Come in?” Dark stated slowly. To everyone’s astonishment, it was Jameson Jackson who walked through that door. Sepia tone in all.

Jameson, or Jamie for short, was the silent ego. Even though he was quite he was the one who had the sweetest and kindest demeanor out of all the Septics. The absolute epitome of Jack’s favorite phrase and mindset ‘Positive Mental Attitude’. Jamie was also the most polite and innocent as well, it was hard for anyone to stay grumpy or sad when he was around. That’s why Dark was not as frustrated as he would’ve been. With wide blue eyes, Jamie looked around curiously before he held up his notepad with a pretty sizable question mark written in bold marker. Dark cleared his throat, “Are you looking for someone?” Jamie shook his head quickly and after flipping a page in his notepad, he wrote something inside it and then showed it to Dark. The note read, “Do you know where the hotel lounge room is? I can’t find it.” Dark blinked blankly before replying. “Third floor, back entrance is near the fire escape.” Jamie nodded and smiled brightly. Dark wasn’t exactly sure how to process the grateful attitude Jamie seemed to be showing, maybe he was just too used to drama always starting. Today was going pretty smoothly. “Jamie!” The Jims said collectively, and ran over to hug the ego, who only smiled and giggled as he allowed them to embrace him. Jamie was a very dear friend of the Jim’s, he first came up to them when Jim II suggested they should have a hobby. That hobby happened to be wanting to practice being a barber shop quartet. It was an odd choice but all the Jim’s agreed until Jim I pointed out that there was only three of them. Well, Jamie happened to be in the area and said he could participate, the rest was history and now all the Jim’s had someone to talk to about their issues or just to hang out with besides themselves. Jamie was always so accepting. This was perhaps why Jamie and Jim II got along the most, to the point where Jim II actually now was very protective of the innocent ego and more or less had a huge crush on him, which everyone knew about of course. “It's so good to see you again, how are you?” Jim II, who was hugging him the tightest said, his plight completely forgotten as soon as his best friend stepped in. Jamie smiled easily, showing that he was okay. Jim I questioned, “Hey, still working with Marvin right? It feels like ages.” Jamie nodded to both the statement and question. “Yeah, Jim’s been praying he'd get to talk to you again.” Jim III chuckled to which Jim I joined him in his teasing. “Yeah, maybe take you out finally.” Jim II only blushed and pouted. “Shut up Jim.. I-it's not like that I, he's my best friend is all..” Jamie just raised an eyebrow with a soft smile and patted his hand. He knew of Jim II’s obvious crush but he wanted him to have the confidence to tell him first. No reason to take away his confidence. “Yeah, friend.” Jim III said using air quotes as he snickered. Jim II just stuck out his tongue and continued hugging his bestie. 

It was then that Jamie noticed the dark circles under his friend’s eyes and frowned, completely concerned. He patted him again to get his attention. Jim II raised an eyebrow and looked down at him. Jamie made a sweeping motion under both of his lower eyelids and hoped that that got what he was trying to say. When that didn’t work, Jamie just sighed and flipped his notepad to a question he unfortunately had to ask a lot, especially when he was talking to Chase. 

“Are you okay? You seem tired.”

“Huh?.. Oh well..”

Jim II flattered and bit his lip. Jamie was never the one that he wanted to burden with his complaining but he knew that his best friend wouldn’t have minded. So, swallowing his pride he sat atop the table and told him everything that was bothering him. When he had finished the same ramble he had told the Ipliers Jamie nodded and listened intently.. Once Jamie realized he had finished, he wrote on a blank page. “Do you feel better?” Jim II just smiled brightly. He loved that about Jamie. He never persuaded him to change his mind, never told him what would the right solution be, all he cared about was how he felt. He knew Jim II could make his own decisions and he wouldn’t judge him for it at all. “I feel so much better. Thank you, you're a saint..” Jamie blushed and beamed shyly, but he waved him off like it wasn’t a big deal. 

 

Once Wilford was sure that the two had finished their conversation, he tapped his more innocent doppelganger on the shoulder. Unfortunately, Dark was too busy working on his phone and letting Jim II have his moment that he didn’t have time to stop him. “Hello Jamie~,” Jamie jumped startled forgetting about the others in the room for a moment before he turned and saw that it was Wilford. Now if he could, he would’ve paled. It wasn’t as if he disliked Warfstache in anyway, he just was more or less intimidated by him. And he was afraid about the man accidentally or purposefully killing him. He stepped back a foot and just waved timidly, not wanting to seem rude. Wilford’s smile now turned predatory which sent shivers down the other’s spine. “You know, I was thinking something,” He wrapped an arm around the other’s waist, pulling him a bit closer. Jamie’s eyes widened and hopped that his shaking wasn’t obvious. When he looked up at Wilford, he noted that his pink eyes were clouded over with lust and malicious intent. He was not happy about that at all. “You know how when you meet someone you feel as if you’re destined together?” The older ego slurred. Jamie gulped and nodded. “Well I happened to feel that way every time I see you. I’ve always wanted a dapper Irish sweetheart of my very own~.” Jamie shuddered and grimaced. He really didn’t know how to tell this guy no without possibly having a knife stuck in him. Thank god Dark interjected by pulling him back by the collar of his button up. “Wil, leave him alone, you're scaring him.” Jim II hugged Jamie from behind and more or less growled. “Hands off Warfstache, MY best friend would NEVER date you.” Wilford seemed to have lost that feral look in his eyes and pouted, getting out of Dark’s hold.

“Excuse me, I am Wilford Warfstache. And Warfstache, don't take no shit, from nobody. I can date whoever the hell I want. How about I just make you.. Permanently scavenge around haunted houses?”

“You wouldn't!”

“I can and I will.”

“Wil would you stop behaving like such a brat?”

“The last time you tell me what to do Dark, is the moment I keel over and die in Fiji surrounded by the prostitutes of New Jersey covering me in MY unpaid debts while listening to ‘The Hukilau’. Which won't happen!”

“.. Why THAT specifically..?”

Jamie felt really bad that he caused all of this mess and thought about a compromise. As the other egos were arguing or, in Warfstache case, just uttering nonsense, Jamie thought about the trick he learned for his other best friend and took off his hat reaching into it. When he felt something hit his hand he grinned and waved to get Warfstache’s attention, drawing him away from his ramblings. “-and that's because…” Jamie held up a bright pink rose and as much as he really didn't want to give Wilford the hope of them being together, he hoped that this would satisfy his attempts for now. Upon his observation of the rose, Jamie could've sworn he saw the pink ego's eyes soften, almost tenderly for a moment as he took his peace offering. The mysteriously big smile was back as he placed a hand over his heart, glasses glimmering and hiding the emotion behind his pink eyes once again.

“Oh Jamie! You know just to speak to this ole fools heart! I'll see out back later, my little angel.”

Jim II, who was still hugging Jamie just glared the elder ego down as he went back to his seat, resting his chin against Jamie's shoulder. Jim I leaned over, still noticing that Jamie was on edge and tried to reassure him and his brother. “Don't mind him, really.... He’s crazy.” The two didn't seem all that relieved by that knowledge but relaxed anyway. 

Then a much louder voice harkened upon the ears of those in the office. Dark mentally face palmed and asked himself, ‘Why didn't I remember Marvin?’.

 

Speaking of the marvelous magician, he now was currently cupping his hands over his mouth and screaming out for his best friend. That was when he paused at the open door to the Iplier meeting room, which happened to be at the same time Dark’s headache returned. “Jamie! JAMIE! Oh there ye are! What te hell ye doin’ in here?” He smiled as he walked over to the silent ego. The ego’s eyes brightened as he started to gesture wildly, Jim II still attached to him, but he didn't mind, he thought it was cute when Jamie spoke with his hands.

Marvin, who on a closer inspection, was more or less out of costume, wearing; black skinny jeans,- a staple in the Septiceye Crew - a blue button up shirt rolled up at the sleeves, and a black vest with white pinstripes, almost mirroring Jamie perfectly. He also seemed to have understood everything the little ego was saying and nodded in thought. Dark was amazed by how in tuned they were, though he shouldn't really have been surprised by this. They were called Gemini for a reason.

See, whereas Jamie was the quiet and polite side of Jack, Marvin was the one who was loud and proud. He never apologized for his ‘in-your-face’ behavior and absolutely loved who he was and was a very confident person. He was the part of Jack that always shushed people during panels, especially when they were talking over him, or him yelling at the top of his lungs “HEY MA!”. However, Jack knew when it was appropriate to be loud and when to relax and be less manic. Marvin didn't, and because of this, he wasn't really gentle with his audience members. Instead of asking for a volunteer, he would point at them and shout, “HEY! HEY YOU!” Regardless of whether or not they actually wanted to participate. Which is why Jamie was there to be his assistant. They were a fantastic duo and were closer than any person could tell you, despite not having been made at the same time like the Jim's. Still, he was never the less still nice and never meant any harm. At least, to those who didn't deserve it. 

The magic ego was currently listening and talking as he followed Jamie's every gesture with great care. Jamie himself was currently suggesting that, since they had a stage show soon, if the Jim's could come and watch since they were overworked and stressed.

“Oh I see, what? …. Um… I dunno, isn't Dark like yer guy's boss er whatever? Gunna hafta ask him.”

Jamie nodded and rolled his eyes before he firmly poked Marvin in the chest, saying that it mattered that it was okay with him first. Marvin just chuckled and nodded.

“Yeah I guess so-”

“Kitten!”

Marvin turned to see a familiar smug face and openly grimaced. “Oh hell, YOUR here?” He questioned dryly. The ego in question was everyone's favorite arrogant, boastful, and most narcissistic ego, Bim Timmer. Really, his self-absorption far out match the likes of both Host, Google, and Wilford all at once. He was the one; with the better job, the better income, singing voice, hair, smile, body, etc. You think of an aspect you liked out of Mark or the others, Bim would've said he was a million times greater. Which was silly considering they all looked almost identical. People say that Mark is similar to Adonis? Well here was a real life Narcissus. And Marvin couldn't fucking stand him the most. He hated this egomaniac, oh not just because he was selfish, but because his show- “Hire My Ass -was performed right in after his Magic act. It was infuriating to see such a jerk get so popular and get most the stage time. So their relationship was more or less rocky. Which, poor Jamie was always in the middle of when things got to heated.

“How's the magic business? Have you controlled that little habit of yours? Taken my, flawless advice?” 

Bim leaned back in his chair, and placed his hands behind his neck as if he was ready for Marvin to start bowing down at his feet. Marvin's face heated up and gritted his teeth. As much as he hated Bim, the guy did know a thing or two about getting the crowd on his side. Now he would never admit this, but he often asked Bim to help him control his temper and voice to appear friendlier. It was pretty solid advice. But like I said, he’d never admit that. “As if I’d listen te anythin’ YOU say.” He more or less spat in his direction. And that was when Dark took a Tylenol. He knew this was going to happen as soon as Marvin came to look for Jamie. Goodbye progress.

Bim just smirked coldly at the fuming ego before him. He wasn't afraid to get him riled up, he was cute when he was mad. He hummed lowly, eyes going half lidded, and Marvin wanted to smack that condescending look off his face.

“Hm, maybe we'll need to practice your volume control for next time. Perhaps I wasn't... Tough enough with you, my pretty little kitty-”

Marvin grabbed the nearest pen holder and chucked it at him with no warning or hesitation. “Stuff it! I don't need yer goddamn help! Quite talkin’ about shite ye have no business talkin’ about!” He would not let Bim open his stupid mouth to talk about their.. Intimate sessions. No, they were not a couple. At least verbally. It was more of hate sex than anything else at first, but then Bim had started to grow a bit fond of the magician, but he was going to wait until Marvin broke first. He was too prideful to admit that he was smitten. Which of course, so was Marvin.

Bim barely had time to dodge the onslaught of pens before he moved his head, sadly, they hit Eric in the face. And even more sadly, no one in that moment cared. “Hey! No need to throw things!” Bim said a little panicked. Marvin just balled his fist and took no heed to his words. “Go back te stalkin’ Matthias n’ stay away me!” Ouch. A sore spot for Bim, since the man was now married and he had missed his chance. Still, he did his best to brush off that hurtful remark with a mocked expression of horror. “Jesus, it's worse than I thought…” He then tsked and placed a balled first under his chin in thought. He scrunched his eyebrows and closed his eyes in deep concentration before they snapped back open at him. 

“You're relapsing, I've been away too long. Maybe the next time I take the stage I'll serenade you, you've always enjoyed my lovely voice.”

Bim smiled a bit more gently, honest sincerity rang in his voice at the promise. Another thing Marvin hated to admit, but Bim did have a really lovely singing voice. At the end of his show he sang one song of his choice every time. It was amazing and truly a fantastic performance. Marvin's blush softened from anger to bashful. That voice? Singing all for him? Of course he loved that idea, of course he loved that voice. Unfortunately, that voice said the dumbest shit. “Especially in our more, intimate sessions~.” Well there went that tender moment. Marvin tensed up again, his expression slack jawed as he couldn't believe Bim had the balls to try and antagonize him this way. “SHUT TE FOOK UP!” He screamed. His face, neck, and ears, all red from his embarrassment.

“Testy testy, no need to be so feisty my white rabbit, you know that with my help I make your show, almost watchable.”

Marvin's eye visibly twitched, and there was a hushed collection of “Oooo” that followed Bim’s rather harsh remark. “Okay, THAT'S IT!” Jamie tried to reach for Marvin's arm but the other ego wasn't having it. The second that Marvin took a step forward, Bim had already bolted from his chair and started to run to the other side of the table. Clearly he was not unfamiliar with Marvin’s rage and wanted to stay far away. Of course, that was just a nice little dream he had, as Marvin quickly ran after him. Each of the other trying to get the drop as they both ran around the large table. Bim trying to shield himself from him with any Iplier that just happened to be sitting in the way of anything Marvin might start throwing. Marvin, while trying to snatch Douchebag McGee, shouted at him all the while. 

“Lemme at this pompous piece’a shite! I'll show you feisty- when I kick yer fookin’ balls in!- Tall glass of ass, douchebag!”

“You're so cute when you're mad-”

“Imma KILL YOU and then, wear yer skin as a suit- sell it on eBay, fer a penny- because that's how much yer worth! 

“N-now now, kitten- think rationally-”

“-Then imma tear out yer tongue, and make so you can't speak anymore- set ye back in yer stupid career, and then BURN yer house down! Then I’ll LAUGH n’ dance upon yer ashes! Get back here so I can DESTROY you!”

Dark by this point had seated himself in the far corner, knowing that this was going to happen. Jamie acted fast and got out of Jim II’s grip when he saw that Bim was rounding their side of the table again. Marvin by no surprise caught up quite quickly, but Jamie managed to step in between then and held up his arms firmly, asking his best friend to stop. Marvin did with reluctance and Jamie made a heavy breathing motion, saying that he should calm down. “No I won' calm down!” Marvin shouted. Jamie just patted both his shoulders in comfort and place a hand on his chest, this meant “Be the bigger person.” Marvin sighed and took a deep breath. “Okay.. Okay, yer right.. m’ okay now…” The silent ego smiled lightly before he bit his lip and gestured again very slowly, a nervous smile played on his lips and Marvin drank up every word. His face grew fifty shades brighter. “WHAT?! Take HIS advice? Are you drunk!?” Jamie just tried to soothe him again.

Meanwhile, once Bim had successfully made it back around the table, seeing how Marvin was stopped, a wicked idea popped into his head. He had to at least try to defuse the fires that he started. Ed, just grabbed onto his wrist. “I wouldn't recommend it.” Bim just waved him off and as precarious as he could, made his way behind Marvin. Jamie happened to see all of this and tried to keep from looking of Marvin's shoulder who now was busy ranting and raving. Bim wasted no time wrapping both arms around his midsection, holding him firmly to his chest. A mischievous smile on his face. “Le’ go’a me!” The magic ego shouted whilst struggling viciously in Bim’s grasp. But the T.V persona paid no mind and started humming softly before he sang his first verse. “You're.. Waking meadows in my mind~” Marvin stopped dead in his tracks and blushed for entirely different reasons. The poor poor ego’s eyes just widened and gritted his teeth.

“Don’. You. Fookin’. Dare.”

“Making waves cross my tide..~”

“M’ serious! Bim don’-”

“Oh no..”

“Oh no-”

“Ooh noo~.. I got a.. Strange magic, oh what a.. Strange magic, got a strange magic got a strange magic ~”

Their song. Well, the song that Bim insisted was their song. But their song nonetheless, and Marvin both loved and hated it. He hated it because Bim only used it to make him forget why he was mad and it was used to tease him. But he loved it because it was sung for him, and he felt warm, and special, like someone cared about him on a deep level. He couldn’t help but melt against his sweet words, even if they whispered lies to him, and allowed Bim to gently sway him in a soft rocking motion as he helplessly let himself be swooned.

“Oh I'm.. Never gonna be, the same again… Now I've seen the way it's got to end. Sweet dreams, sweeeeet dreams~ Oh, what a.. Strange magic.. Oh, it's a~ Strange magic, got a strange magic, got a strange magic~”

Bim really was a very nice singer, it was the only time he really truly felt like people were paying attention to his talents. And seeing the smaller one in his arms turn to jelly because of it, was more than flattering. He loved holding Marvin, and he loved singing to him. For all his hostility, Marvin still paid close attention to him, no matter what the reason was. Once he was finished and was sure that the magician was relaxed, he smiled and rested his chin against his shoulder. “There.. All calm now.. see? You know you love me~.” Marvin suddenly felt really tired and worn out, which the case was rarely. But, it was nice. Nice to let someone else take the wheel for once, even though he was much too prideful to admit it. “Shut up.. M’ not.. Jus’ shut it…. Songbird..” He mumbled out the only nice nickname he ever gave the smug ego. Bim just hummed deeply and pressed a lingering kiss to his head, “Hmm~ as you wish Gemini..” and removed his arms. A rush of cold air hit Marvin, stirring him back to reality. He spun on his heel and snatched Bim’s arm in a firm grip, making the taller of the two gasps slightly. Marvin just smirked and motioned for Jamie to follow them as he walked out the door, dragging Bim behind him. “Oh no- yer not off te hook jus’ yet! Might as well show ye a thing er too about REAL entertainment.” At that, Bim chuckled, a shyer smile fell upon his lips, a light blush covering his cheeks. “Heh.. I look forward to it.” With that said, and all the chaos was over with, the Jim’s looked to each other and shrugged collectively. “I guess that's our cue.” Jim I and III started up as they pushed their middle brother forward with Jamie. Jim II was startled out of his intense focus on what transpired and jolted forward. He looked back at his two brothers and stammered, “A-aren’t you two coming.” Jim III just yawned and shrugged again.

“No go on ahead Jim.”

“You sure Jim?”

“Yeah, both of us are probably going to go out and eat some chicken dumplings. Enjoy yourself.”

“A-Alright, come on Jamie!”

 

Jamie giggled and nodded as he allowed Jim II to go first. Just as the duo was about to leave, Dark got suddenly worried as a thought entered his mind. All of this seemed…. To scripted to just be regular coincidences. What were the odds that after two days in a row, a Septic just happened to stumble in upon their meeting? But he didn’t want to accuse any of them for what could be just innocent accidents. So he called out to Jamie casually. “Jamie will you be needing any help?” Jamie stopped and raised an eyebrow at Dark, who then gestured towards the door, meaning was he going to be okay with Marvin and the collective crew. Jamie just gave a slight simper, shaking his head, and snapped his fingers. Suddenly, his color started to fade from sepia tone to full techni-color vision. His vest becoming blue, his skin, eyes, and hair become vibrant. This only happened when he allowed himself to talk. He knew this was probably too serious of a conversation to stay mute. He looked over his shoulder at Dark and spoke softly. “Nah, thanks. Oh, before I go..” He faced everyone on the room and bowed slightly in apology, before giggling nervously, hand rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sorry everyone! Everything’s really okay between us all n’- really. I felt like it was only te right thing te say sorry, I know we've been.. A little harder te manage, but with everythin’ that's been goin’ on… M’ sure ye understand.”

So these weren’t all accidents! Dark didn’t know whether he should feel a little insulted or relieved for finally knowing. But when Jamie put it like that, it was easy to see why this was all happening. There wasn’t any room for the Septics to recover from the kind of emotional punch Jack had just pulled. Dark furrowed his brow and thought of a suggestion, speaking slowly. 

“I suppose.. Jameson, why don't the Septics ever get together for a meeting? You can all go over and talk about things, more efficiently.”

“Oh we do! All six of us. Once a week actually. Sometimes we just need te talk te someone outside of ourselves.”

Dark nodded. He supposed that made sense, but did this really have to happen right when he was trying to do something important? But then, a thought occurred to him. “Wait.. Six? But there's seven of you.” He could’ve sworn there was seven… He had to think for a moment. Come to think of it, most of the Septics never fought with each other, there wasn’t anyone who really caused trouble so there wasn’t any one they wouldn’t include- He stopped his train of thought. Collectively, there were five Iplier Egos who were considered… Murderous or dangerous. The rest were either stupid or just self-centered. That probably said a lot about Mark’s personality, but at least there was a balance, and everyone respected each other’s each individual authority. Jack only had one ego who was considered dangerous.. “Does.. Anti ever attend your get togethers?” Dark spoke aloud, unsure as to why he was suddenly curious or concerned with the dark ego’s placement amongst his peers. Maybe because he knew what it felt like to be seen as less important and excluded. Jamie cocked his head to the side.

“Who?... Anti? Oh no, he doesn't ever join us.”

“What? Why is that?”

Jamie took on a grim expression and hugged himself. Face paling at the memories of the fallen ego. Biting his lip, he shook his head lightly, and Dark almost felt bad for asking. Almost..

“Well… Te be honest, he's not trusted. N’ if Jack doesn’ want him around then.. Sorry, he's jus’... A toxic ego. Jack doesn’ need someone like that.”

Even though the word was directed at Anti, Dark couldn’t help but to shudder at it. Even though he agreed. For everything that he was told Anti had done, he seemed like the worst person to be around such positive egos. But after spending some time with him, all the secrets they shared, he annoying for sure, but.. Toxic? Now Dark wasn’t sure if what they said about the demon was true anymore. What was worse, it made him think about his own standing with Mark, and how he would still treat him if it hadn’t been for Wilford. The rigid ego was stirred from his thoughts as he felt Jamie’s fear elevate. He smiled, brightly, waved to them all, and hugged all of the Jim’s tightly as he said his farewells. “Bye bye everyone!” And just like that he was gone. Dark was left to himself as the others just shrugged and dismissed themselves. Dark now had something very disturbing lurking inside his mind, little echo of a distorted giggle of Anti echoed in his mind as he wondered how to prepare when the next Septic arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serious poll, right now. Should I name Marvin and Bim's ship name 'StrangeMagic?'. Also, I really love the idea of opposites attracting and just Bim and Marvin fighting constantly for stage attention is both hilarious and pure to me. And yes, I know that canonically, the Jim's are twins, but someone hast to hold that camera, and do all that producing work. Shush, If Google can be quintuplets but also be one person let me just make three Jims.
> 
> Pretty much my own headcanon that Wilford gave away his reporting job to the Jims, because how on earth did that guy get a reporting job and then become a talk show host, and then network producer? Might as well have some consistencies. You know.. Before Mark fucking destroys it.
> 
> If you have questions, let me know!


	4. Wait. Who is Jackaboyman Dating?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Host's only joy in his monotonous life was seeing Dark upset. He knew exactly what was going to happen today... Only, he didn't get the details right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all can forgive me for what you're about to read. But I did promise surprises and laughter!

          Host was an interesting ego. Well, he certainly had an interesting history. He was the original ‘Darkiplier’ after all. But sadly, his fate went onto a different path. He really couldn't complain however. He was still a moderately successful writer, kept up with satisfying appearances, busy with work but had enough free time to spare. But ever since Dark took the spotlight Host had been feeling really creatively starved and restless, now he could’ve gone out with friends or engaged with society or the public. But there was a big problem with that… Host fucking **hated** people. Whenever he went outside to public publication events or went to give autographs, he couldn’t wait for the moment that he went home and took his aggression out on his toys. To someone who could predict, and more or less read all of; their actions, thoughts, emotions, and the detailed lives they had. People became very boring and dull. During his little brain storms, and playing with his captive audience, it managed to allow him the freedom to escape, but not by much. After all, the only difference between his power and Dark’s was that he couldn’t take away their previous morals, values or personalities. He could change their environments and the atmosphere, and with tons of focus and practice, he managed to control their actions, which allowed them to play into his world that he created in his stories. But they still talked back and it really wore him out, so he kept them locked up in the basement while he battled with boredom.

Meetings like this were interesting to say the least, he could peer into the lives of every ego and notice what was different and chuckle in amusement. The only person he couldn’t read or predict was Wilford, he was beyond outside the norm of reality. At least it gave him something to do, but still, now Host was just predicting another Septic to show up. His thought went as so..

 _‘The Iplier Egos were currently sitting around the large table-_ no.. _The over-sized alabaster table, each centered around it like some horrible reenactment of King Arthur’s chosen ones-_ No.. _The Last Supper._ Hmmm… But no one sat around that table.. Eh- Fuck it. Draft that thought for later _.._ Anyways _. However, there was no one Holier than thou at this meeting. Although the, almighty ‘King-of-Shadows’ thought so. His lips pursed with focus and resentment, his aura cracking through his facade ever so slightly. He thought he was in control, but sadly enough he was once again wrong.. That control freak had no business being at the head of the table, neither did that haughty idiot Warfstache. But sadly, the day that the Host would finally reign supreme over these band of idiots would never come. At least for sometime. Now all that the lone, and disfigured man could do was just sit and wait patiently.. Patiently like Norman Bates in ‘Psycho’._ Hm, is that too much of a stretch?.. No it’s fine. Um.. Oh yes, _The Host cracked a smile as the buzzing of everyone else’s personal lives became nothing but fading television static inside his mind.. He knew that now it was only a matter of time before he saw the dark and fragile ego crumble over his own frustration. The Host would grin as he watch the shade growl in irritation for having his sanctuary breached for the fourth time in a row.. Now the Host waited, and prepared himself as Robbie walks through that door with a sudden kno-’_

  
**SMASH!** The side of the table was smacked into by a slim figure, who was currently groaning in pain from the impact. There was a good sized hole left in the ceiling as debris fell from it. Everyone was startled and at a loss for words. “Oww.. Ow fook…” groaned the figure.. Those who were closer got a closer look and were surprised to see that it was… It was.. It was Jackaboyman. Well, that’s what he wanted to be called at this moment. Truth be told, everyone knew that the superhero's identity was none other than the fanboy ego, John William. But no one ever said anything to him about it.

John honestly believed that no one knew who his superhero identity was. He also believed that he did have honest to god super powers, which he didn’t. But he was so happy and so determined, that no one corrected him or wanted to crush his spirits. Still though, he was one heck of martial artist. The red custom clothed male currently sat up dizzy and rubbing both his back and his head. Everyone was fucking stunned. How in the hell did he manage to crash through the ceiling? Even Dark was slack-jawed and bewildered. “Not one of my better landin’s..” The only green-haired Septic mumbled, more to himself than anything. Dr. Iplier, who was closest, just stammered his question.

“Um… Do, do you need.. Help? How, how did you manage to do that?”

John looked up and noticed that he wasn’t alone anymore, his bright green eyes widened as a nervous smile spread from his lips. “Oh.. Hi, um- no m’ okay. Jus’ sore. As te how I got here.. Uhhh Iiiiii’d rather not go inte those details if that’s okay with ye.” He stood up as he said so, tentatively rubbing his head as he surveyed the area. He noticed the damage to the ceiling and the fact that every Iplier was in the room. He caught on to what was going on quickly and covered his mouth in shock. “OOOooh fook, m’ sorry. No idea I would jus’ be.. Crashin’ through.” He let out a nervous chuckle.

 

         There was the John that everyone knew. That bubbly little part of Jack that was; awkward, geeky, scatterbrained and rambled a lot. But still, like any Septic, he had his badass traits too. He was a cardio junkie and was probably the biggest reason for Jack’s crazy fast muscle gain and endurance. He was also hella determined and super pumped to do just about anything with 210% motivation. However of course, most of that stuff only happened while he was in custome. Like his own little double. An Ego with an alter ego. Who Knew?

“I-I um.. Heh, M’ jus’ gonna go n’- Holy! Shepard!?” John’s eyes actually sparked from blue to Green at that moment, his fanboy taking over at the sight of his Senpai and teacher. Everyone who was now just recovering from the shock automatically could tell where this was going. Bing leaned over to Yandere and whispered, “I didn’t even know S.S liked dating anyone..” Yandere looked up from his diary and squinted. “Eh.. I don’t ship it.” He said plainly, as he went back to scrawling out pictures of his Senpai. Dark too, could tell where this was going and pinched the bridge of his nose as he slumped back in his chair. Shepard, who was kinda used to being forgotten about just blinked in surprise, forgetting that him and J.B.M hung out occasionally. “Oh.. Oh hey!” He said cheerfully as the two hugged. “That was um, that was quite the entrance.” John blushed lightly and shrugged. “I mean.. If Batman can do it, why can’ I right?” Shepard just chuckled and patted him on the back.

 

“Very very true. So what are you doing here?”

 

“Who me? I was just in te neighborhood n’ decided te check things ‘round te place. What about you dude? Still fightin’ crime?”

 

“Ah.. Well lately I’ve been on a break.. It gets a little stressful after awhile- But not to worry about that, I won’t be out of commission for too long.”

 

“That’s awesome te here! Can’t wait te throw down fer old times sake. Anyway- I should really be headn’ out.”

 

“No, yeah. Of course. See you later.”

 

That was… Less than expected. They weren’t dating? John really did just stumble in on accident? Most of the Ipliers who were ready to listen in on couple drama furrowed their brows in disappointment and confusion. John looked over to the other side of the table and caught his breath. “Yandere?” Yandere looked up and smiled.

No. What? Not fucking Yandere. What?! Everyone in that room nearly lost their shit as Yandere practically tackled the green-haired Septic to the ground in a large hug. There was no fucking way they were dating. But yet, here they were. Hugging. John chuckled and sat up as Yandere slid himself off of him. “Been wanting to glomp someone all day.” He said with a really creepy and high pitched giggle. But John paid no mind and just smiled.

 

“And glomp you have! Damn it’s been a good while since I last saw ye. Still goin’ te therapy?”

 

“Yep, over three times a day.”

 

“Learned anythin’?”

 

“Oh just how not to have murder as my go to for whenever something annoys or bothers me. I haven’t maliciously maimed someone in over two days in a row!”

 

“Oh.. Uh, good job then?”

 

“Thank you! Did you finish Assassination Classroom?”

 

“I did and it was fookin’ great, you were right as usual.”

 

“Ain’t I? Ah.. Karma-Sama can try to stab me any day…”

 

“OOOOkay. Welp, good seein’ yeah and uh, my friend will totally give ye a call fer Manga club.”

 

“I’ll hold you to it.”

 

“Heheh… I know you will…”

 

Oh.. So no? Thank god. Everyone let out a sigh of relief knowing that their most unstable ego was away from hurting anyone’s safety and causing more problems. John it seemed was about to leave again straight for the door. All's well that ends well right? Well, until he felt a sharp tug full on the tightly tied blue sash that was wrapped around his curvy waist. John wasn’t sure if it had snagged on something or what until a light chuckle emanated from behind him.

  
         

          “Well well, my grasshopper has found his way into my web, has he?”

John’s face brighten up with both a blush and a smile. His eyes flickering between bright blue and green- before settling on green and glowing the hue- as he heard his boyfriend’s voice. Well, right now he wasn't his boyfriend, but his enemy. But still, John couldn't help but to play into their little game, feeling bolder than he had while here in costume. Spinning on his heel, cocky smirk on his face, he crossed his arms and faced Host head on. “Didn’ expect ye te be droppin’ by Silver Tongue.” Host chuckled, this time more deeply and pointed up to the good size hole in the ceiling. “I believe you are the one who had, ‘dropped’ by.” John followed his gaze and shook off his embarrassment and countered him with a snide remark. “Couldn’ predict that, could ye.” Smug obvious in his tone.

Yes, Host has absolutely no control over John, or his actions. He couldn’t even read his thoughts. You see, John was just too positive and spontaneous that he didn't have a little negative niche to manipulate or to read, but that's what made him so interesting and desirable to Host. He loved the challenge. Host smirked and stood up. He stepped closer to his boyfriend until he was inches away from him, and John tried not to focus on how fucking cool his coat flapped behind him like a cloak as he did so.

Raising a gentle hand up to his chin, Host tilted it upwards ever so slightly. He could still sense that his boyfriend’s lips were pulled up in a smug grin. “You know I could never predict you, little one..” he answered smoothly. John, in any normal situation out of costume, would've been embarrassed by this and would've stuttered uncontrollably. But now, with a mask over his face, he felt relaxed and as calm as ever.

Meanwhile, Eric furrowed his brow at the nickname and mouthed “What in the fuck..?” Which could have been said for all the Iplier’s in the room. Yandre however just whispered, “OTP~.” They all knew Host was a huge sadist- well, when it came to the bedroom, Eric had them all beat- but they had never seen the Host so.. Playful. He usually hated people, even as his author alias, ‘Andrew Adwin’ he remained as- if not more -reclusive than Dark. The only difference that set the two intimidating egos apart was that Dark was a cunning charmer who disliked using violence to get what he wanted until he absolutely had to, and used manipulative words and fear. Host could do almost anything within the realms of practicality with only his words, and if the person had any sort of negativity on their minds. Also, he was never the type to restrain himself from violent tendencies, and he was most certainly not a charmer. So THIS side to him was absolutely astounding watch. And, a little invasive.

John chuckled and leaned up only a few centimeters; one hand rested upon Host’s shoulder, the other on his chest. His hold firm and keeping Host from moving any further. An action that meant he was in control of the situation, not Host. John murmured against his lips, barely touching. “Andy..” He chided playfully. Host shuddered lightly at the use of his ‘social appearances only’ name. John continued with a little sing to his voice. “Careful.. Ye know m’ dangerous when m’ wearing te costume~.” Host’s smirk turned hungry, canine poking out. “Then.. All the more reason to get you out of those clothes..” John said nothing, but his half-lidded gaze told him all he needed to. But he still couldn’t do anything until his boyfriend gave the okay. John slowly licked his bottom lip and Host growled under his breath. “Oh.. You’re playing a dangerous game.” He said, as a deep rumble filled his words causing John to shudder. But he just winked. Host was just about a few centimeters away from unzipping the hood of his costume to expose his neck, and bite down on it. Hard. But that was when the two remembered that they weren't alone again.

Dark had to interrupt. “Excuse me.” He said with a little more bite to his words then he probably meant. “But this is a place of business. And we were having a nice discussion, getting progress done. Until we were.. Interrupted. Now, if you two could, kindly abscond in peace, or maybe, **get a fucking room**!” John blushed deeply in more shame than anything else, and looked down to advert himself from the darker ego’s line of sight. Host at that moment, _loathed_ seeing his chipper grasshopper brought down. He turned and sneered, about to shout abuse before John cleared his throat. “Right, yer right. My apologies Dark.” He gazed up with a sheepish smile before giving an apologetic one to Host before heading towards the door. “This time, I'll exit more conventionally. For real. Sorry ‘bout te ceilin’. Nice seein’ ye guys!” He waved happily, and the other egos did the same; half either disappointed that their show was ruined, the others out of relief. Host however, wanted to speak out that John didn't have to listen to Dark, and should never have to listen to anyone..

John just turned and flashed him a reassuring smile, and he knew what words he was going to say next. It was the only thing he could anticipate the other younger male to say. “Until we fight again, Hostess with the mostess!” And just as quickly as he had arrived, he was gone. Host chuckled to himself, “Heh. Cutie.” His good mood was smashed however by Wilford’s smug and probing voice. “Soooooo, you and John huh? Costume play? Kinky little devil~.” The others snickered as Host’s face scrunched up with repugnance.

“I know what you’re all thinking, and if you say anything.. I promise you I will narrate your asses off a cliff. And I’ll take my sweet time doing it. Don’t think I won’t.”

They all knew he would make good on his threat, even if Host himself was bluffing, so they kept to themselves. No one wanted to go down that road, but damn the ride from the start was so intriguing. How the the hell did a superhero- well hero -nab someone like Host? Meanwhile, Dark surveyed the ceiling with a scrutinizing gaze and had been ever since John decided to… ‘Drop by’. He brought a glove-cladded hand up to his head, and rubbed at his temples again softly. He sighed. “Meeting adjourned..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's clear to me that this is the couple who I've thought about a lot! And it all started because I kept seeing JMB fight against so many foes. But what's a better foe than the very villain of Danger than Fiction?! Now it just seems like their perfect for each other. And I love the idea of a villain and hero dating in their normal lives and flirting during their battles.


	5. Robbie Needs Love Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last and final ego interrupts Dark for the last time. However, when everything was said and done, Warfstache drops by to see how the dark ego is taking things. Not well it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I believe Robbie is the most outlandish ego out there, but I fucking love him anyway. So might as well give him some love!

         “Okay… Before we get this started, standard protocol.” Dark snapped his tired and sharp gaze around the room. His pallet was more grey than usual, a clear sign that this common commotion was stressing him to no end. It was pretty obvious that this time the head ego wasn’t bullshitting anymore and had had enough of these inconveniences, as innocent as they were. The key to helping Dark go through these kind of situations would have been for him to take his aggression out of something, but no one dared to make that comment. He shot his gaze to Google first. “Chase.” He stated, as if the title was nothing more than an item from a shopping list. Google didn't appreciate the tone but his disdain was hidden by his monotone speech. Besides, he really didn’t want to argue when Dark was two seconds away from being over the edge. His already straight and perfect posture was made more straight as he intertwined his fingers together, resting his hands upon the table.

“Perfectly acceptable, physically. Thriving, and resting. As for his emotional necessities, last night we had the opportunity to communicate efficiently and, effectively, things were solved..”

Google trailed off, and even though he wasn't capable of blushing; his glimmering eyes, barely audible chuckle, and soft smirk told Dark more than he wanted to know.

“Amicably.”

Google responded. His tone satisfied with his choice in words. Ed, with his feet up on the table- Dark rolled his eyes at that when his attention was drawn to him -whistled lowly.

“Now, I don't know what ta hell ya’Il just said, but did ya fuck?”

Dark pinched the bridge of his nose and with a tired breath he tried to intervene. “Ed, Please. Kindly, do not-” Google shot the salesman a cold and calculating glance before smiling forcefully. “Why yes. And it was more satisfactory than anything you and your… Hussy, is it?- of a wife can ever hope to reciprocate.” Bing fell back against his chair laughing and Wilford smiled in amusement. Even Eric had to cover his mouth to hide his snicker. Ed, now red in the face and sneering, was about to stand up and have at it. And then Dark audibly, and loudly growled. It jarred everyone’s focus back to him. “ **Sit.. Down.** ” The dark ego commanded through gritted teeth. Ed did the smart thing for once and followed directions.

Without a moment too soon, and without even looking, Dark pointed towards the Host. “John.” Host was slightly perturbed by the fact that Dark was clearly struggling to keep it together, that it took him a second or two to process what was asked of him. “At home, probably on crunchyroll. But I never could predict his whereabouts-” He shivered when he could physically feel Dark’s arua suffocating him. Cold and tight. He clearly didn't like the answer. Not like he was scared of him, in fact the power was split between the two of them, but you’ve never seen Dark genuinely mad before like he had. He wasn’t going to risk it. Host stumbled over his words in his haste to keep himself from being the outlet for Dark’s emotional rage. “But-! But, he assured me, he'll be busy all afternoon.”

As fast as it came, the aura simmered back, and Host let out a sigh of relief. Dark was about to ask Eric about his Septic next when a soft knock drew his attention away, and everyone went still. The stiff and ridged ego just looked down and sagged his shoulders- as defeat was forced out of him -followed by a heavy sigh. “Yes?” Lackluster in his reply.

  
         The door opened quietly and a strong odor of lavender filled the room. The third Jim, the behind the camera Jim, perked up from his tired slump. He recognized that scent immediately. Robbie stood at the door frame, looking out shyly as he bit his thumb, looking lost and afraid. And just like Jameson, Dark just sat back and allowed him to enter with no motivation to try and persuade the other away. He couldn't get angry at Jameson or Robbie, they never ever did anything malicious. Well, none of the Septics, besides Henry, never really liked bothering them at all. But Robbie and Jameson never picked a fight, and were the most gentle out of all the Septics. He waved his arm dismissively at the zombie, gesturing him that it was okay to step in.

Robbie bit his lip and stepped inside. “Oh.. Sorry, I knew you guys we're in a meetin’ but I still knocked anyway..” He stated softly. “M’ sorry..” he ducked his head expecting to be scolded.

Jim, from behind the camera, or, Jim the third, stood and sped walked over to him. “Hey, it's okay..” Jim III reached a hand up to cup his face before he hesitated and placed it on his shoulder. It probably made sense that the most fatigued ego would get along with the soft spoken Septic, but at this point, who really could predict who was with who anymore?

Wilford scoffed at the action but kept his thoughts to himself and shared a smug look with Host, wondering what their sex life was like. Jim III waited patiently for Robbie to meet his eyes before continuing. “Did you need something?” He asked kindly. Robbie looked up at him with a pitiful look and nodded. “Well.. Yes, since I came all te way over here.. But you already knew that.. N’ now I just sound arrogant fer implyin’ that I knew, but I really didn'..” The zombie’s words trailed off and most of the Iplier’s winced.

It wasn't his fault that he pointed out the obvious, it was just his tick. The part of Jack that was perspicacious, but still had the most humble of demeanor that kept telling himself, he wasn't all that special. But Jack usually kept those thoughts to himself, whereas Robbie was consistently putting himself down all the time, an extreme sense of humility. It was an odd combination, and it worked on everyone’s nerves fast. But still, everyone bared it- because again -it wasn't Robbie’s fault.

Jim III just smiled politely, having grown fond of the Zombie’s company, he didn't mind hearing the undervaluing ego prattle on. Robbie barely got to talk ever so he didn't mind hearing him speak. “What did you need?” He finally inquired. Robbie bit his lip and blushed softly.

“I wanted te see all of ye again because you guys got busy n’ I know it's easy te ferget about me…”

Jim III frowned at that, it was both frustrating and really sweet at how was excessively modest the purple ego was. He looked to the other Jims for help. They both looked at each other and headed up. “We can talk outside if you like?” Jim I, said. “Yeah, and you're not forgetful. Or worth forgetting…” Jim II started as he gave a sheepish smile to Dark as they all started to wonder to the door. Robbie’s chest began to swell up with joy as he was tenderly embraced by the three of them and smiled softly. Jim III saw this and ran a hand through his soft hair. “Don't worry nightshade. I won't let you feel lonely. Not ever again..” Robbie seemed to beam at this and nodded enthusiastically as he was lovingly ushered out by his companions. “Um..” Jim II went to start as they reached the door, he glanced apologetically at Dark. Said ego just waved them off and put a hand to his forehead. “Meeting adjourned. Once. Again.”

  
         

          Dark was alone and leaning against his balcony, and smoking. Smoking was practically the only thing he could do to relieve himself that was socially acceptable. He could find a random hooker or something to relieve his sexual frustration, but Dark was both asexual and aromantic. He didn’t like physical contact, nor did he want an emotional attachment. Call it paranoia or being a tight ass, but Dark was happy with his choice and no one would tell him otherwise. He was contemplating himself and his situation again as he took a short drag on his cigarette. That was when Wilford poofed into existence in a pink smoke cloud, humming nonsensical scatt like his usually did when he wanted to be extra annoying.

“Re baba do di.. I stabbed a stripper.. Ski-bi dibby dib yo da dub.. Dark’s a big, sad baby boy.. dub, ya ba di da ski ba do.. I fought a moose for cheeese..”

Dark didn't bother to move. Instead he drummed his fingers unconsciously to the beat of Wilford’s scatt as he trained his eyes upon the dim and bleak light of the grey city before him. All the practical dreams of the people in the light’s more realistic visions for the future were all here. It was very quiet, it was very plain. No chaos, no high emotions, just plain and somber silence. It was very numbing. Dark watched as the smoke from his mouth curled in the air and around his fingers, barely noticing Wilford strutted behind him. “Daaaaark~” he said as he balanced on his heel, rocking back and forth. “Big brother is worried about his little Darkling~.” Dark grimaced and snapped back in reply.

“Do not address yourself that way in my presence. And please, refrain from calling me Darkling.”

Wilford gasped out of mocking horror and placed the back of his hand over his forehead and the other over his heart.

“What an appalling idea! To suggest that I, take away my affection, why, I’d be heartless. A void, I’m a lover- a really really really passionate and…. Gracious lover… And-”

“Wil….. **Do not** start that.”

“-Well if I lost my passion I'd be like you my main man! Bitter, and cold! Just look at yourself! Freighting over nothing!”

Wilford grinned, shiny teeth and all. All in the name of good fun to see his favorite underling crack a smile. But sadly, Dark only glowered and turned his attention back to the city-scap. Wilford’s smile faded slowly as Dark didn't utter a word. His shoulders hunched over, his body tight and close to him. The pink eyed man pursed his lips and tapped his chin in thought. His reporter side kicking in as he stepped closer to his side and mimicked Dark’s posture. “… Are you thinking about that Anti fellow again?” He asked nonchalantly. In truth, Dark was thinking about Anti. Not him specifically, but he was thinking about him.

The Septics were just about losing their shit over what Jack was pulling. Dark remember the look on Anti’s face. His pained stricken expression, on his knees, eyes leaking blood and black fluid. He was begging, pleading for Dark to kill him and take his pain away. And that was when Jack was having a low day, what was going through the demon now? Dark bit his lip at the thought and shook involuntary at the memory. That could've been him. That _was him_ at some point.

Meanwhile, Wil caught the shiver and looked his companions body over with a sweeping look and elbowed him playfully. “I knew you had a soft spot for ‘em! Oh you little scamp you~.” Dark’s black eyes widen in shock at what Wilford was insinuating and scoffed. He turned his head sharply and took all his effort from punching the elder in the face.

“Did you want something Wil? Or are you going to continue prattling on about nothing..?”

Wilford's smile faulted once more. He sighed and took a cigarette from his own pocket and lite it up. Dark was surprised, he had never seen Wil smoke before, he looked so out of place while doing it, with his bright attire on. When he was finished slowly exhaling, he turned back to Dark. His expression more rigid and restrained. When he spoke, he dropped the slur, and Dark knew that when Wilford was serious, he should pay attention. “Maybe..” he spoke softly, his eyes focusing on the railing as the darkened.. Somber like the city.

“Maybe It’s time you stopped trying to talk things over… Stopped these meetings, stopped… Worrying about everything. Mark does what he wants and so does Jack, It's soooooo boring to try and pretend that we can manage things. In the end you know they don't matter.”

Dark swallowed the sour taste in his mouth. His dry throat suddenly grew tighter. He knew Wil had a point, he was usually right about everything, the guy was fucking omnipotent for God’s sake, but still.. He tried to think reasonably about all of this, this was his burden to bare, his responsibility. “No, this IS important Wil.. You probably don't even understand what I'm saying or why I need this..” at least.. That's what he tried to convince himself. Wilford barked back a response, his familiar tone creeping back up in his voice.

“Yup! I completely don't understand. You're such a control freak, it's definitely not healthy. Why not just.. Shoot your problems away?”

“Look- Just know that I do, I do NEED this..”

“Dark…”

Dark looked away again, this time more sadly. He knew everything was pointless, so why fight it? But, he was stubborn. He didn't want to just accept the way things were. He couldn't…

Wilford went to reach a comforting hand toward the ego, but before he could, he felt the cold radiating off of the dark ego's body. The pink ego sighed, and knew there wasn't anything else he could say to convince him otherwise. Instead, he flicked out his cigarette and backed away slowly.

“Well, if that's what you want. Then who am I to argue that.”

Dark let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding, lowering his head as his shoulders relaxed. “Thank you Wil.” He whispered out. Truly relieved that Wil was going to leave things be. But before his only friend left, Wilford spoke out once more. His tone still a mysterious mix of that goofy slur, and a deep grim tone.

“Oh.. And Dark? You can't fix things. But, you know I'll be there to roast marshmallows with you…”

“What? With what?”

“From this fire you started..”

And just like that, he was gone, gone in the very same pink cloud he had entered with. Leaving Dark alone, once again to ponder the very reason for his nature, and those who have created it for him..

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised Danti angst. And Warfstache knows more than any of us could ever know, and that thought is scary. If you guys want reference as to what Dark was remembering, please check out my Danti fanfic! "Desperate to Hurt".


	6. Surprise!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next meeting was tense as Dark was about to lose it. But that all changes when a surprise visitor pops in with an unanticipated guest. 
> 
> Later Dark discovers who really was behind all of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here’s the chapter that made this rated M. Even though I still suck at writing gore. Enjoy after such a long revision!

          Dark wasn’t putting up with any bullshit today. It was obvious that the dark ego didn’t get any sleep by his state either, so everyone was a bit on edge. They anxiously shifted in their seats as Dark stood hunched over at the head of the table. His eyes occasionally flickered between a blinding white and the black hue they usually retained. He wasn’t wearing his tie as well; his pallet was all grey, the edges of his body moving disjointedly as the blue and red aura pulsated around him every so often. The ego who were unfortunate enough to have been placed directly next to him, felt the dry and cold temperature radiating off of his body, it was almost suffocating. Wilford, who was sat directly across from him, could only wince. But still.. No one said anything about the elephant in the room and allowed Dark the little bit of control he had to do what he wanted.

Dark said nothing and kept exhaling deeply. The ridged man didn’t even look up from his intense stare at the plain table below him. With that said, he still managed- with a swift and stiff motion of his arm -to point towards Google with succession. Google didn’t flinch, but he felt intimidated all the same and spoke calmly. “Everything is under management I assure you.” Dark still didn’t say anything and pointed to the Jim’s- who were all quite, and alert -making them audibly gulp. “All fine, right guys?” Jim I glanced nervously at his brothers who in turn nodded quickly in agreement. It was clear to them that Dark was scarier than any haunted house. Dark proceeded to repeat the motion to each Iplier who had a Septic in their company. “Everything’s s-stable I promise..” Mumbled Eric Iplier. “Completely and utterly.. Sane..” Host dictated lastly.

Host added a little spite to his words directed at Dark, but still kept himself in check. After all, it wasn’t wise to piss him off when he was like this. Seeing as how everyone was find, most of the egos relaxed a little bit. No one had anything to worry about right? The only Septic left was Anti, and like Jamie had said, he wasn’t allowed to come anywhere near them. Dark seemed to relax a bit too, but; His aura didn’t fade, and that deafening ringing that followed his voice- though lessened -still persisted, proving that he was still very much on edge. “Now then..” Dark spoke, straighten up and tugging on his jacket. His body splitting, fighting for control from being calm to full on raging in a matter of two seconds, but Wilford still caught it. He was the only one brave enough to speak up. “Dark, I really think-” Wilford only ever openly showed concern to Dark, they were close and everyone knew that. This wasn’t surprising, but what was unexpected was the honest to god frozen death stare that Dark shot at the eldest ego. And Wilford.. Who was probably the most mood-oblivious ego out of all of them, went quite and faltered.

“No one… Under ANY circumstance is going to leave this room. We are going, to get this finished. We are going to discuss the important issue in this, very room. And if anyone… Fucking anyone, starts petti, ridiculous. Irritating, drama. Well… I can promise you that I will give you all something worth crying home to. Are we clear?”

No one said anything. No one did anything. All too uncomfortable and terrified of saying something wrong. Even Host and Google knew better. Yandere knew better. And Wilford- who was the strongest out of all of them -was terrified. Not for his safety, but for Dark’s. He palmed the gun he had brought with him under the table, fully loaded in case something went wrong. Dark didn’t like that everyone was silent and slammed his fist down on the table, making everyone jump.

“I said. **Are. We. CLEAR?** ”

Everyone quickly nodded and muttered their agreement. Dark flipped his hair out of his eye and huffed out a sharp breath. “That’s better.” He said calmly. “Now then, about the issue we face at hand-” Dark didn’t get to finish his sentence. No one will ever get to hear what he was going to say. Because at that moment, the walls and table shook. Ozone and static electricity filled the air and distorted noises whispered all around them. Then, a thick and deep ebony fog came down from the now patched ceiling and seeped into the room. The over head lights flickered sporadically as the dark cloud shot down onto the large table and started to fade. The lights stopped buzzing and everything around the egos stopped shaking. When the smoke faded, a body emerged and got up onto its hands and knees groaning. It’s face snapped up and was face to face with a very surprised Dark. The figure furrowed his brow, and the two spoke simultaneously, both completely at a lost.

“Dark..?”

“Anti..?”

Dark took in the ‘toxic’ ego. His neck was barely bandaged; a deep cut was directly over his right eye, his arms were bleeding and his knife was drawn. Anti and Dark stared at each other for a good fifteen seconds both bewildered, before Anti’s blue eyes slowly drifted over Dark’s shoulder. His eyes snapped to black as he let a feral and low growl. His teeth turned to fangs and his body started leaking black liquid out the open wounds, mixing with his blood. His back hunched, he looked like a cornered animal. And that’s when Dark smelled him. He smelled strongly of fear, ferocious anger, and bitter pride. Then, another scent seeped in. It wasn’t Anti’s, it was too raw and onenote. Something else had followed Anti here, something from the shadow realm. “Don’... Move..” Anti said whispered sternly, and Dark did as he said for once. He seemed to serious to be fucking with him. He watched carefully as Anti crawled back on the table, and slowly moved to stand. Whatever was behind Dark recovered and Dark felt it flinch as it jolted towards the door with a gutteral, strangled moan. Anti acted quickly and shifted into a more transparent and illusive form in order to shadow traveled like a speeding bullet to follow it out the door, it was faster to slip around that way especially around a bunch of people.

Speaking of people. The egos, didn’t know what the hell just happened. They didn’t relax, they didn’t move, they were frozen with uncertainty. Dark blinked slowly as he processed everything. Then they all heard loud snarling and growling, followed by banging that came from the other side of the wall. Dark turned swiftly and headed out the door. Wilford- who knew that this could only lead to so many bad consequences -stood up and drew his gun. His voice completely serious, no trace of goofy slurr left. “No one come out of this room until one of us gets you.” Eric, who was currently trying to comfort the younger egos, went to debate him.

“Wilford don’t do anything stupid-”

“Listen to me, for once in your fucking lives! … Fucking Anti bringing his demon shit into everything…. No one move.”

Wilford then made his way around the room and carefully went out the door and closed it soundly.

  
Dark walked out the door and now followed a trail of destruction left behind by the two demons who were currently trying to claw each other’s stomachs open. The demon that was trying to pin Anti down had two heads; It’s body was stitched together, arms in place of feet, all attached to just a pulsating torso. It’s skin was roughly textured and looked like leather skin, it’s heads only had two mouths with giant teeth, big and flat. Clearly this thing was a feeder of the shadow realm, a feeder of anything or any other shade or demon with negative thoughts or possibly was self inflicting. On further inspections Dark could that Anti’s cuts on his arms were indeed self inflicted, as Anti was known for hurting himself to relieve stress. That must’ve been what attracted it.

Anti crawled out from underneath the demon, who only put him in a headlock, he growled and jammed the thing in the collarbone with his knife, the creature let out a ear piercing shriek of garbled jargon. Anti then twisted his body around and clawed at it, knocked it backwards onto a nearby table, and watched as it landed with a loud crunch.

The paler of the two demons panted and backed up carefully. Anti tilted his head as he did so, looking for any signs of movement, the slightest twitch was all he needed… Just, one movement. The demon shot up and crawled towards him, and Anti ran straight for it. As the demon reached out it’s long and double disjointed arms to ensnare him, Anti ducked and propelled himself forward to slid on his knees before gracefully turning around on his knees to stabilize his position. The demon didn’t have time to notice the dodge before it could even begin to comprehend how fast he was. Dark was very impressed by the Irish demon’s speed. Anti reared back and jumped onto the demons back and with a tight hold, grabbed his lodged knife out and stabbed it and kept stabbing it, covering himself and the demon’s chest in a thick and foul smelling substance that didn’t resemble blood- so much as it resembled tar. “Fookin’ cunt, jus’ die!” Anti grunted as he kept stabbing, waiting for the figure in his grip to go limp. But it didn’t, it kept thrashing and twisting. Anti’s eyes widened as the thing’s arms dislocated around it’s shoulders in order to reach him. The creature snatched Anti by the upper arms and flung him off, causing the poor pale demon to slam into the wall in front of them.

  
Anti’s vision began to grow fuzzy; his back hurt, his head throbbed, and his arms stung, he was losing so much blood. It didn’t help the fact that he was overly sensitive and disliked.. No- he absolutely despised pain.. So his tired body was practically screaming pleas for him to just give in. And he listened, for a just a brief moment. He wanted to rest just a little bit. But unfortunately, the world he came from didn’t allow anyone the luxury of rest. Especially for someone as hated and as hunted down as he was. His little hesitation was all the figure- not human, nor monster -needed, to take him by the throat. The second hand clutched his side and squeezed hard, claws digging into his ribs… But it wasn’t done just yet. It was hungry, and Anti’s misery was too delicious to pass up. A single eye ripped through the skin of one of its faces and peered down at the struggling demon in its grasp. Anti gasped and clawed at the hand holding his damaged throat, the burn was too intense as he felt the skin open up again. Still, he growled and thrashed trying remain brave.

“Y̶̷e̴͢r̕͡͝ ͝no̴̡t͢ ̶̡̨g̛̀͏o̸ņ͡n͢à̕ ̸͘͢t̸à͞ke҉̶ ͏͏mè ̨͡b͜a̧̢ck! ͝I͟ w͏o͢n͟͠’̨͢ f҉o͟͢͞o̵k̢i̶̛n͞’le̸͢͝t ͢͠͡y̸͝o̕u!̢͢”

Anti yelled in desperation, he was panicking and had no way out of this. The demon’s hunger grew as pity was it’s favorite meal, and it’s second head couldn’t resist but to have a taste. It bit him straight into his side flat and teeth breaking the skin. And Anti screamed bloody murder, it rang in Dark’s ears.

Dark…. Dark felt it all; the depression, the anxiety, the unquenchable thirst for hunger, the fear. His body began to pulsate, his aura was freezing cold and twisting around him. A primal feeling of possession took a hold of him in a needle like grip. Anti was his to hurt. Anti was his to play with. Anti was his fucking toy. And no one. Fucking no one. Was allowed to mess with his things. “That is it!” He snarled aggressively as he raised a hand, outstretched, his eyes glowing a blinding white…

The demon stopped. It stopped and let go of Anti, the bleeding Irishman stumbling to the floor, trembling. The broken figure turned and its one eye was glowing that same white, vacant of any further aggression. Dark had it under his control. Its primal instinct to feed forgotten, all its purpose now.. Was to obey.

Dark stalked forward, his arm lowering, his voice a deep rumble of eerie serenity. It didn’t help that that high pitch ring seemed to completely offset his tone along with his threatening demeanor. “You come here, uninvited…” He said slowly. The demon shook, its master was clearly unhappy. It felt cold, it felt like its soul was slowly being swallowed up by his master’s very presence- who was slowly getting closer and closer. Its master’s body flickered into split second images of rage, the sound of his dress shoes clicked on the floor with each step. The demon convulsed.

“You interrupt my work… And you had the audacity to insult me with your very presence. And now.. You touch my things… **No one. Touches. My. Things**. I think.. You need to be taught a lesson..”

Dark rose both of his hands slowly and made a pulling motion with stiff and straining fingers. The demon… The demon’s body, mind, and soul belonged to him. Its eye mirrored its master’s. Dark’s once black eyes were no longer flashing white, but now they were a deep scarlet red. It was a command, and the demon followed its master’s every movement. It began to tear itself apart. It was a slow and strenuous motion. Dark was tediously pulling at nothing as the demon’s body obeyed, it pulled at it’s tough stitched skin in the same motion. Dark figured- that if the creature was attracted to Anti’s self harm -maybe that was the only way to kill it. It wouldn’t be a problem, he could make it do anything he wanted. The dark shade barely ever smiled, but he did this time. Teeth shiny and white. It was chilling, and the shade felt so powerful, so incontrol, it felt amazing after the week he had. The demon continued to pull, its body continuously convulsing from the strain and the pain it was experiencing. But it was no use. Its master, gritting his now sharp teeth suddenly splayed out his arms, the demon was no more as its body was split in two; it’s life essence, that nasty smelling tar like liquid splattered against the walls and floor. Unto Dark’s face, onto Anti’s body. Skin ripping in half like paper with sickening tearing cacophony, guts- well, what was supposedly its guts - spilled out onto the floor in a squelching mound of flesh. This, was the true power of Dark.

  
Dark was panting heavily, the colors of his eyes faded to their original obsidian color. He stumble and clutched his chest, his grey pallet and arua disappearing into his normal pale stable form. He hated violence, he hated gore. Where did he go? Everything was just a big blur. He stumbled back against the nearby wall and tried to collect himself, his thoughts were hazy. Luckily, Wilford was there. He had been watching the entire time, ready to jump in if the consequences seemed dier. Even though it was his job to protect Dark from anything having to do with blood or gore, he was relieved that he was able to take his aggression out on something that wasn’t human. Though he wished that it had been Anti- still, he’d take it. He carefully walked over to Dark’s side as he pulled out a pink handkerchief that he kept in his back pocket for.. Messy occasions. “There there, Big brother’s got’cha~” Dark lolled his head to the side, his panting and headache were slowly drifting away as Wil’s voice drifted into his consciousness. “Don’t you da-“ The eldest only smiled and put a stop to his protest by rubbing his face clean of all the liquid. Dark just grunted and gave him a halfhearted glare once he finished, too exhausted to muster up any more anger. His eyes then lingered over to the sad heap that was Anti, bleeding all over the ground. Wilford followed his gaze and bit his lip. “Dark..” He whined. “Just leave ‘em. He’ll be fine.” Dark just snapped his fingers and pointed over to Anti, to which Wilford only groaned but obeyed his command. “I better get a free fucking pass the next time I need an alibi…” the pink ego grumbled as he lifted the demon onto his shoulders, luckily Anti was very light. Dark- with a bit of effort on his part -trailed sluggishly back to the room and opened it. He tiredly glanced up at his fellow egos; all wearing a mixed expression of horror and concern. Dark just shook his head feeling ashamed of himself and his actions, rubbing his forehead soothingly as he slumped deeply into his chair. “Eric.. Would you please attend to our guest?.. I.. I need a moment.” Eric swallowed dryly but nodded as he help Wilford bring Anti into the room. Jim II, who recognized Dark’s exhaustion, timidly walked over and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You okay?” The black eyed shade looked up wearily. It was probably obvious that the younger egos weren’t used to seeing him like this, and didn’t fully understand why. In response, he sighed and shrugged off the hand. “I’ll be fine. Just.. Just leave me to collect myself.. Please.” Jim II hesitated at first, but complied to join the others.

  
Anti woke up to the feeling of over a hundred bee stings digging into his side. At least, that’s what it felt like. He hissed and winced once he fully regained consciousness, too tired to swat the offending force away. “Sorry..” a timid voice rang in his ears and he opened his eyes slowly, only to be meet with a bunch of black haired, brown eyed, sharp jawed men. Not a bad way to wake up. He furrowed his brow, glancing down to see Eric finishing up the sutures in his side, and shook his head lightly.

“M’ I still outta it? Cause I see twenty of ya.. I coulda sworn t’ere were nine at least..”

Eric, who was probably the most friendly towards everyone- and therefore, the only one actually willing to speak to the demon -chuckled softly. “No no, only fourteen.You haven’t seen us in awhile.” He nodded over to the Jims, Bing, and Yandere. They in turn waved a bit sheepishly, especially the Jims. The newer egos had heard a little bit about Anti from the Septics and Wilford. But they weren’t expecting him to be… Well, he wasn’t ‘normal’.. But he was less intimidating than the others had made him out to be. He was probably the skinniest, and palest out of all the Septics; His body was pretty cut up, his blue eyes were dull. He didn’t seem.. Toxic. But than again, from what they heard over the wall, maybe they were really underestimating him.

Anti started to laugh, much to the surprise of everyone in the room. “Christ, te fooker needs te give it a rest already.” He then coughed hoarsely, spitting out a few thick drops of blood. Eric pressed a hand firmly to his chest to keep him from doubling over. “Careful not to strain yourself.. You were very close to dying.” Bim smacked him.

“You say that about everything! Learn from Google and pick up on new vocabulary every once in awhile, it’s really annoying!”

“Ow! He was! And you didn’t need to hit me!”

“Bim lay off of ‘em. He’s more well adapted than you, always boasting about yourself.”

“Thank you Ed!”

  
Anti shook his head and stood up slowly, chuckling to himself as he shrugged his shirt back on, careful to avoid the stitches placed on his side were he was bit. “Looks like I really didn’ miss a thing. Yer all still arses to each other.” He glanced at Wilford who only rolled his eyes. Anti would’ve been offended if he wasn’t used to it by now. Besides, the feeling was mutual any how. He glanced over at Dark who had now caught his eye from his seat. The dark Iplier ego stood up carefully and walked over to him, everyone’s bickering stopped. Eager to see if Dark. The Darkiplier, was smitten for someone, and also curious to see if the strict ego could actually be somewhat kind to someone.

“Anti.”

“Dark.”

“You’ve been-“

“Don’ get on my fookin’ case about that shite. What I do is my own damn business.”

“It nearly got you killed.”

“Ooooooh nooooo, killed? Why that’s, that’s very bad indeed! We can’ die genius!”

Sarcastic, defensive, snarky, and a big talker. That was Anti. He didn’t like anyone, and no one liked him. He believed; Do to others what you want them to do to you. So, if anyone treated him poorly, he’d do the same. Fairness, that was a funny way of putting it. Anti was all about being fair with people. If Dark or anyone else wanted to treat him with disdain, then he’d do it right back. Which wasn’t hard considering how the dark ego was usually so abhorrent to him… Accept for the special occasions when they did show each other some bits of humanity, but those were rare. Except now he felt conflicted, Dark had saved him- and yet he was going to tell him off for cutting himself. As if he had a choice in the matter. Dark exhaled through his nostrils and cracked his neck. “I believe that it was part of our agreement that you wou-“ Anti’s eyes turned black and hissed, pointing an accusing finger at him. “Don’ you dare finish that sentence. You said it stays between you. N’ me. Not yer fookin’ entire assembly!” He twisted around the Ipliers in a large gesturing manner and glared them challengingly. Making them flinch a bit. “Yeah go on n’ gawk ye nosey bastards.” Dark glared. “Alright, that’s enough.” Anti turned back and just scoffed in his direction, and bowed in a most mocking jest. “Oh my apologies, oh emo one. Could I jus’ get a slap on te wrist n’ go?” He sassed as he crossed his arms. At that, he heard a quiet mumbled from Yandere to Bing. “I see why everyone considers him toxic.” To which Bing nodded. Anti immediately snapped his head straight towards them and hissed deeply. Eyes turning from blue to black again. He felt his throat burn as of this moment, but he didn’t care. What fucking right did they have to talk shit about him when he was standing right there? Toxic? That was a fucking laugh.

“Comin’ from a two bit calculator n’ a cum dump weeb? Ye better think twice before ye talk shite about someone who can slam a bag of bricks over yer goddamn heads ye modder fookin’ second rate rejects! Te only t’ing yer good fer is being used- like a condom!“

Yep. This was Anti being fair. Yandere just about lost his shit and reached for his sword, whereas Bing was honestly hurt and Google just patted his shoulder. Really? Anti was really acting this way now? Dark’s eye twitched. So much for helping out that little shit. Wilford was probably once again right, he should’ve left his sorry ass to bleed out on the floor or be eaten. “Do not, talk to them that way!” Anti raises an eyebrow over at him. “What te fook are you gunna do about it, huh?” He provoked. “I don’t think you’re in any position to oppose me,” Dark glowered and stepped forward. Wilford made an attempt to grab at him but Dark waved him off and the others stepped back. Anti as well hunched his shoulders, his stance fully guarded as he watched Dark carefully.

“Besides, with the way you’ve been acting.. You know, after I just saved your ungrateful ass. I think you deserve more than a slap on the wrist for your behavior..”

At that, the room was dead silent. Dark felt a little swell of pride as the loudmouth demon was stunned into silence. That was, until Anti just started cackling, and doubled over clutching his stomach. He even coughed a bit of blood up due to laughing so hard.

Unfortunately, Warfstache too had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from brusting, as well as the other egos who only snickered just a bit. Dark’s confidence dwindled. “Oh fook. Is it really part of yer personality te just sound unintentionally gay?” Dark blushed, eye twitching once more. Even though the mocking was at his expense, Dark did notice how Anti’s demeanor change. He relaxed, knowing that Dark was only bluffing. He became.. a little friendlier. And at that, Dark did feel a little warm, and at the same time- little troubled as to why Anti was considered so toxic. Sure he was rude and capable of hurting others, but he didn’t really use any physical violence unless absolutely necessary.

Anti wiped the blood from his mouth and smiled genuinely, eyes much brighter and bluer. “Fine. Jus’ fer makin’ an ass of yerself.. I truly apologize. God, yer such a tight ass-“ he reached over to give Dark a light punch to his arm, but at the contact- which probably wasn’t smart to begin with -something hit the two dark egos. A jolt of cold shocking electricity shot through them and they both flinched away shivering. Anti clutched his hand and looked at Dark, not in anger, but in surprise as if he had grown two heads. Dark himself wasn’t even sure what had just happened.

“Christ! N’ ye tell me not te hurt myself? What te fook have ye been doin’!? Yer a fookin’ train wreck, yer gunna kill yerself with all that stress yer keepin’ locked away!”

Was Anti.. Scolding him? Stress? Was that what that was? Dark then remembered something important about Anti.. The most important trait he had of Jack’s. He was an empath. He could not only smell and sense emotions like he could, but he could physically feel them, and talk through them. He could physically feel Dark’s anxiety and overwhelming tension. Dark just looked dumbfounded as he absorbed this knowledge. “I..” Anti interrupted him with a click of his tongue and held up his hands in surrender. “Ye know what. None of my business.” With that, he began to back away, his body slowly materializing into that same black smoke cloud from before. He was headed back home, the only place he was allowed to be.

  
“I was gunna say ye could come with me fer a bit. Distress n’ maybe- I dunno.. Throw rocks er summthin’? Talk? But yer gunna say yer too busy so I’ll jus’ piss off then. Thanks by te way doctor, yer a lot more help than m’ used te gettin’.”

  
Eric was also dumbfounded but nodded in appreciation anyways. Dark shocked himself when he reached for Anti’s wrist, both literally and figuratively. But still he fought down the pain and spoke before he even knew what he was saying. “Wait..” He pleaded. And Anti blinked, and waited. At was at this moment that a thought occurred to Dark. He looked around the room. Each Iplier ego was tired, and strained, and in need of a break. No.. He needed a break. Upon seeing a well knowing smirk from Wilford, Dark turned back to Anti and removed his jacket and tie. “Fuck it.” He decided. “I could definitely go for a talk.” Anti shared a soft and slightly bashful smile with Dark, before it turned into a rather devious smirk. “That’s what I like te hear!” He giggled gleefully, smoke enveloping him. Dark turned towards the others and he too, smirked lightly. “Go home everyone. I've been too demanding with you all for long enough.” And he disappeared with Anti into the shadow realm.

 

  
Dark was alone in the meeting room the next day. Everyone was at home, resting and relaxing. What was he still doing here then? Well, he had some last minute work to take care of and here seemed like the best place to do it. He was pretty much done when a deep voice- much like his own -slipped into his consciousness. “I knew you’d still be here.” Dark looked over, expecting Wil, or Eric to be there. But to his surprise, it was Mark.

Leaning against the door frame in; his tight Captain America t-shirt, glasses absent, hair tousled slightly, grey sweatpants, and lopsided grin to match. The dark ego stood slowly, slightly precarious of what his creator had to say.. “What brings you here?” He questioned slowly. Mark pushed himself away from the door frame and slipped his hands in his pockets, strolling into the room. “Just by came to see how you were doing.” He stayed simply. Dark rose an eyebrow curiously. Mark never came to just.. Check of them, let alone him. What was he playing at? The cheerier doppelgänger seemed to have noticed Dark’s hesitation and decided to elaborate.

“Well, it’s just. With your meetings. They’ve been interrupted for the past week. Seems abit.. Strenuous for something like you.”

Wait…. How would Mark have known that? “I didn’t tell you about that..” Dark pointed out. Mark’s eyes seemed to widen a bit, unsure what to say. “Uh.. No you didn’t.... But I um-“

“You never keep tabs on these meetings. You don’t talk to any of us about them.”

“Well no, but-“

“-Ever.. So why did..”

It was at this that Dark furrowed his brow and thought deeply about something. A dirty little thought rang inside his head, he looked down at the ground and put his thumb and index finger underneath his chin in a thoughtful manner. Contemplating whether or not Mark was really as sneaky as he was currently thinking he was.. He then looked back at Mark for a brief moment before he questioned his double hesitantly. “Wait..You wouldn’t have happened to be responsible for this, would you?” Mark just quickly held up his hands in defense. “What? No! I mean- it wasn’t just me. It was his idea!” Wait.. His? Suddenly a loud Irish accent rang from behind the door. “Oh, way te throw me under te bus ye D-bag!” And then, in came Jack. Glasses on; hair only slightly jelled, wearing his green jacket and Overwatch t-shirt, and black skinny jeans. He lightly punched Mark in the arm. Mark mocked a whine and pouted, “Hey! It was your idea!” Jack pouted back.

“You gave me te idea!”

“Wait no- that’s a buncha bull! All I did was tell you about the meetings, I never said to fuck with them.”

“Uh-huh okay, sure.”

Dark frowned and interrupted them, slowly looking over at the blue-eyed male. “This was your plan? All of it?” He asked questioned again, with a little more bite to his words this time.

Despite what Jack was previously stating- that Mark was just as responsible -when he looked up at Dark, he eyes got that recognizable mischievous glint, and a playful smirk on his face. Then, it all clicked. How could he have been so stupid?! Of course this was all Jack’s idea, and of course Mark went along with it. The Septics barging in, the calculated planning of it all. He knew this was staged, he should’ve known that this was all Jack’s fault! Dark’s eyes widened before he glowered. “You.. You sneaky little- Why the hell would you do that to me?!” Mark in turn frowned at his other self and spoke out defensively for his friend. “Hey don’t talk to him like that.” Jack just rolled his eyes and placed a hand on his best friend’s arm to keep him in place. “Yer okay Mark. Relax buddy.” Mark poured but nodded, and Jack stepped up to the pissed off demon, not batting an eye at what could to turn into full on rage. Dark would’ve been impressed if he wasn’t so pissed off.

“I admit. A little forewarnin’ woulda helped. But it wasn’ about messin’ with ye.”

Dark found that hard to believe. How could this not have been about messing with him? It happened at every single fucking meeting he tried to arrange. It was funny to them wasn’t it. Seeing him so ungodly frustrated, so much so that he would lose his shit. Dark interrupted Jack, his voice rising to a higher tone than he meant to, but he felt cheated and humiliated. “Bull shit! How dare you insult me by taking away my sense of responsibility, and then have the gull to lie about it-“ It was Jack’s turn to up his A-game. And without hesitation, he grabbed Dark by the tie and yanked him forward. Now Jack would give it to people that he was; annoying, loud, obnoxious, and possibly cringe. But a liar? Hell no. He growled and tugged sharply again, making sure that Dark’s attention was fully on him. “I am not, a liar.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Not everythin’ is all about you. This was te only time that most of te egos would be together in one place so it made sense. My boys rarely ever have enough time as it is, so I wanted te help them rekindle some closure with their partners.”

That.. Seemed perfectly reasonable.. But still, every fucking time? If Jack was smart enough to coordinate his plan around his schedule then why couldn’t he have picked a less intrusive time for them? Even then- wait? Did he hear that right? Help their partners? But they were Mark’s egos and his own, didn’t Septiplier make them uncomfortable. He pulled away from Jack’s grip and pointed to Mark. “But, you’re not even dating him!” He hates how whiny he sounded just then. But none of this was making any sense to him. Jack just crossed his arms. “So? What my egos do in their own personal lives doesn’ reflect on me. They can do what they wan’.” Again, fair point. Mark decided to chip in, but not really keeping in track with the conversation at hand.

“Well, I dunno if that’s fair to say Jack. We could be dating.”

“You refused my proposal, ye missed yer chance.”

“Aw baby please take me back!”

He giggled and swept Jack off his feet, lifting him up in his arms. To which Jack yelled and laughed. “Mark no! Put me down!” He rebutted weakly, trying to wiggle out of Mark’s grasp. Dark just blinked, becoming stone faced. Really, of all the inconsiderate- “Are you finished?” He spoke out bitterly. He wasn’t in the mood to play around right now. The two just looked at each other, and Mark set Jack down gently, pouting as he grumbled. “Jeez, buzz kill.” Dark scoffed and rolled his eyes at the childish remark. “Whose fault is that?” He accused. Mark in response just deepened his pout, knowing that that statement couldn’t be argued. Jack just smirked at his friend and bumped him with his shoulder.

“Oooh, he’s got’cha there Markareeno.”

“Shoosh.”

Mark shook his head and clasped his hands together and decided to go the peacekeeper route and hoped to god his explanation would satisfy his angry and bitter half.

“Look I know this was a dick move.. But Jack’s right, there wasn’t a better time. Everyone was busy with something or other and I knew you’d be too stubborn to call it quits so we tried our best to make sure everyone was at the same place…… Arguably at the wrong time.”

Dark looked down and thought about this for a minute. He remembered each encounter with the egos. Henry making up an excuse about formaldehyde, Chase getting a call that Mark was here, Jamie and Marvin’s show was scheduled in this building, the fact that Jamie apologized and warned him about what was going on, John crashing through the roof, Robbie knowing that they were in a meeting. It all clicked. He also recognized that yes.. Both Ipliers and Septics were stressed, and both Mark and Jack probably wanted to do something to make up for it.. But what didn’t make sense was Anti. Jack had stated that Anti wasn’t allowed near his egos, that he wasn’t one of them. Dark glanced cautiously at Mark before he exhaled and calmed himself. “What about the situation with Anti?” Mark and Jack both shared a look, that Dark wasn’t sure what to call. Vacant?The Irishman cleared his throat. “Actually..” he trailed off and bit his lip.

“That wasn’ us.. We were actually on our way that day te tell ye when we saw how upset he were n’ then Anti showed up n’ then I got te hell outta there because if he saw me then ye know.. So that one was a complete coincidence.”

Jack’s ramble trailed to a stand still and Dark processed it. Ah. That was why Anti looked so confused. But despite that being an accident, in a strange way, that encounter had been a blessing in disguise. Pretty much all of them were. Dark learned things about how each Septic brought out the best in the worst of Mark’s egos, and that thought made him happy to know that not everyone was as miserable as he was.

Henry made Eric confident and bold, Chase made Google compassionate and understanding, Jamie gave the Jim’s someone to vent to and to help calm them down,- especially Jim II - John made the Host be so much more playful and actually enjoy life, Marvin actually made Bim focus on someone other than himself, Robbie’s low self esteem kept Jim III focused and become more motivated.. And Anti… Anti made Dark feel.. Well, like he wasn’t alone. True he had Wilford, but like Jamie said, he needed someone else to talk to besides himself. Dark looked between Jack and Mark, their chemistry was odd. They were different in ways, but alike in so many others. Every opposite was complemented perfectly. He.. He needed this, the humility.. The learning. He was so caught up in trying to manage all of Mark’s stress and emotions, that he didn’t realize that socializing with someone you trusted was also a huge help. How could he have been so stupid?

Mark gave him a soft smile and rolled his shoulders, before patting his shoulder. His touch was warm. “Anyways…” He said tenderly. “I wanted to say, good job. And don’t stress over what I’m going to do.. That’s my job. But thanks for trying to look out for me.” Dark blinked plainly, not exactly sure what to say to a kind response such as this. He dumbly replied with this.

“Oh.. I.. I didn’t really expect this..”

“No, you wouldn’t ‘ve. See ya Dark.”

Mark smirked lightly as he motioned for Jack to follow him out the door. And Jack complied. But he stopped midway and swiftly turned back around and hugged Dark. Dark wasn’t a hugger, he hated touch. He hated when other people wanted to show him physical affection, he wasn’t a blow up toy for God’s sake. But this.. This was nice. Jack’s hug was short but meaningful and full of affection in the best way possible. Dark’s chest swelled, and his thoughts confused him only a little. Should he hug back? He decided against it, Jack didn’t seem to mind. He pulled away, a warm smile on his face. His bright eyes crinkled and his full cheeks were bright with a blush. Dark wondered how it was possible for a man with a beard to look so… Innocently cute. “T’anks fer lookin’ out fer my boys..” he said, shaking Dark away from his thoughts. He blinked again, all of this appreciation so new to him. Jack didn’t seem to mind and pulled away, walking backwards slowly, the same as Anti did.

“N’ fer te record, I trust ye with ‘em. I genuinely appreciate it Dark..”

With that, Jack patted his arm, giving him another kind smile, before spinning on his heel to follow Mark’s lead. They now had both left and Dark felt.. Warmth bloom inside his chest. It had been a long while since he had felt genuinely appreciated and all his efforts seemed like they were rewarded. Even though he was still bitter about Jack and Mark fucking with him and testing his patience, in hindsight he really should’ve pieced it together sooner. And, it hadn’t really been all that bad. Maybe Wilford was right, maybe he did overthink things. Dark just shook his head, a light smile played on his lips. There was no way in hell he would ever admit to Wilford that he was right. Bastard would hold it over his head for years. The shade chuckled to himself as he took one more look around the room that held that alabaster table, turned off the light, walked out the door. As he made his way to head down the opposite side of the hall, he could still hear voices full of fondness. He stopped to look back, glancing over his shoulder at the two men headed the other direction. He could sense it, their happiness, their comradery, chemistry completely unmatched. It was almost intoxicating.

Right now they were teasingly brushing up against each other and giggling like idiots. Mark leaned over to mumbled something into Jack’s ear. Something that Dark couldn’t quite make out. But, what he murmured so deliciously in his ear probably would’ve made Dark cringe anyways. What he said was, “Ya know, how you handled Dark was kinda hot. Care to demonstrate that in bed?” Dark witnessed how the proposal was only met with a light shove by the Irishman, making him scoff. “You wish.” Jack said dryly. This only made Mark smirk, “Every single night boo.” He practically purred and smacked his friend’s ass. Jack let out an undignified squeak and punched Mark’s arm, a light blush covering his face as he glared at him. Mark just threw his head back and laughed, and his friend couldn’t help but chuckle lightly. His glare ruined by his soft smile.

“Douche.”

“You love it.”

Upon observing that.. Dark suddenly pondered about the reason why all the Septics were paired with Ipliers, and that maybe.. Just maybe, there was something there that was a little bit more to it, than a mere coincidence.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who enjoyed my first chapter story on here and I hope you all had as much fun as I did! If you have a request to see any of these parings again or just a question about my canons, let me know in the comments!


	7. Comment On This Please!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You thought is was over? Nah!

**So I know people loved my ‘6 times the Ipliers has to reschedule a meeting’ so much so I decided to make more shenanigans out of it! Seriously you guys, thank you so much for enjoying this series, and whatever couple or scenarios you want, say something! I’ll write it out.**

 

**That being said there are a few stories coming, ship related or not! Be on the look out for anything with the description that says “Tales From The Alabaster Table”, until then, see ya!**


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